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I feel like I'm dealing with a child. My mom recently started having incontinence and she knows it. Worst she never makes it to the bathroom. This is well beyond her 10th time missing and I'm fed up with it. I bought her adult diapers. Begged her to use them. Demanded she wear them and even used the "peeing on yourself at the meetings (church) is disrespectful to God so please show kindness" to no avail.


Any tips?

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I would not even call them "pull ups." Calling them adult underwear or panties is fine.

Have you tried ones that are fabric? They are $$$ and you have to deal more with cleanup, but they can be much more comfortable (and less "diaper" like) and can save money in the long run since they are reusable.
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Reply to BellainaWella
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Dtgray, so glad she’s agreed! Make sure that’s all she’s got in her drawer, throw out the regular ones. The tighter fitting pull-up kind are a good way to start. Have her carry an extra one discretely in her purse if she goes out. It’s very reassuring to have a backup.

Ah, we sometimes slip and all them diapers to each other on this forum...just try not to call them that to her. She knows she’s slipping...it’s good to try to be positive with her.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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First...stop calling them "diapers"
Pull-Up is fine
Second...replace all of her underwear with the pull ups. This way she will have no option but to use the ones that are in her drawer. If she asks just say that her other ones are in the wash.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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The pads come in all sizes and might be an easier sell, women are used to the idea of wearing them.
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Reply to cwillie
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Wow, I’m sorry your Mom is only 63 and has these issues...has she officially been diagnosed with dementia? She’s pretty young for “age related decline”. Have you spoken to her doctor about the incontinence? Has she been tested for a UTI? You need to replace all her underwear with pullup type briefs. (Don’t call them diapers...it’s very demeaning.) There are many on the market now that look like nice underwear. You may need to shop around for the right fit. I always just called Mom’s Depends her “pink pants” to her. If you take her places, and you think that going to church is important to her tell her “Sorry, Mom, I can’t take you to church without wearing them.” The End. Other people on this forum actually had success after the pastor councelled their loved one. Is there a woman friend that could help you and her with this? Mom may be embarrassed to talk to her son about this.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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dtgray12 Feb 28, 2019
Believe it or not, after last night's accident she agreed to wear them. I didn't mean for them to sound demeaning but I've never had to deal with this. Still learning.
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In a way, you are dealing with a child, if she has dementia. The only difference is that children wear diapers from day one. It’s been suggested on this page that one good way to get our LO to wear diapers is to remove all their regular underwear from their reach and replace it with incontinence briefs. Also, do not call them “diapers”, even adult diapers to her. That’s insulting and brings to mind babies.

If she does have dementia, it’s common that they will “dig in their heels” about what we want them to or not to do. Perhaps have an older trusted friend or relative speak with her, or even a female staff member in the doctor’s office. A church member/friend she’s particular fond of may help as well.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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