How do I get him on the plane?

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My 90 year old father is unable to live alone. I live in a different state and he had previously agreed to move down to live w me, and I bought plane tickets for oct 1. Today he has stated he "isn't going anywhere" he's going to sell his house and move back to the country he was born in. I tried to suggest we go see if he likes winter w me then he can come back. He refused and I dropped it.

He has dementia, delusions, hallucinations, gets extremely anxious around money, won't pay for anyone to come in and help--I'm free and he regularly tells me he doesn't need me and to pack up and go. He is on an anti psychotic to control the rages. He is steadily losing weight, won't eat much, I give him ensure to make sure he gets some calories, and his meds daily- he doesn't take them by himself, the house was a pig sty when I got here 5 months ago, with hardened feces on the floor. He won't shower but once a week, stays in same clothes for days. I can't continue to stay here for the rest of his life--his brother lived to be 94 and an aunt to 107. I have two care facilities where I live that will take him. How do I get him to my home state?

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We were told that within 8hrs of her arriving at the facility that she would need to be evaluated by one nurse that was on a 9-5 M-F schedule!!!!Arg!!
Our kinda workaround was to do a Skype the day B4 we traveled. The facility is new to memory care though the parent company has "years of experience"
My mom could never have waited a few days somewhere, definitely not with us, she needs to much care.
I have found that in dealing with care facilities, while one can be asking the right question, they may be asking the wrong person.
Helpful people sometimes think their answer may be correct, but do not know.
Keep asking.
Good luck, its tough out there
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As you can tell there is no one solution that fits all, unfortunately. The plane worked for us.
From central Texas to E, Oregon. It was a full day that exhausted us all & she freaked out at the facility once we tired to get her out of the car.
She is considered a high functioning mid-stage dementia patient w/overall good health.
She is generally a positive person & that has helped us tremendously.
It took about 3 months over 2 trips to get everything set up & things like hiring a driver to the airport & NOT being in a rush.
travel always seems to instill to hurry, got some advice to just do everything to stay calm, cause there will be tests along the way. That advice really helped.
Driving was out of the question for us. We are in our60's & though we have pretty good health, driving long distnaces is out. So the choice was move her by plane or leave her in assisted living where she was getting ok care but not what she deserved.
Good Luck, stay calm. Don't second guess your decisions, your doing what your think is best with information you have.
That's all one can ask of themselves.
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move not more
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When my friend had to more her mom, she did have to bring her home for a few days until they found another facility that would take her.
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gladimhere makes a good point. Considering how difficult your father has been, it would be wise to plan for a second (and even third) option for a facility for him. That way, if they are unable to handle him where he is now, you can just 'work the plan' instead of having to deal with finding something in a hurry.
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RockHard-
I'm happy for you that he was able to make the flight. Hope things settle down for him in the new place and they are able to keep him there. A friend just placed her mom in one of these residential homes, the first one did not work as she was making other residents uncomfortable. She was going through everyone's rooms and things. She needed a higher level of care than the first home provided, so they moved her again during the first week. I don't know how the second home is working yet. Finding the right place, is unfortunately, trial and error.

Best of wishes to you, keep us posted.
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Thank-you all for comments and suggestions and your kind thoughts.

The flight was Tuesday and on Monday he became extremely uncooperative and hostile. I felt I had no choice so I started packing my things to leave. After watching me clean out the car and start gathering my belongings for several hours he came to me and said "You are leaving." I said yes and he replied that he didn't want me to go. I told him he had two choices and he was free to make whichever choice he wanted. Either he got on the plane with me or he could stay here by himself and i would leave. He tried bargaining, deals, changing the terms, setting time limits, delays and I calmly and firmly repeated the two choices. Tuesday morning he said he couldn't go because he didn't feel good, and I said fine, that's your choice but the deal was get on the plane or I leave. Right up until we boarded I thought he would balk and back out but he didn't. He started to get restless towards the end of the 3 hr flight and the stewardess helped me with some extra snacks which kept him occupied. As we landed I suggested, if he wanted, we would go to his favorite buffet for dinner and we landed and he was good for the rest of the evening. For the first time in months he ate a huge plate of food--from the buffet.

the next hurdle was getting him to the "home". It's a house with 5 rooms and they have one client per room with 24x7 carer for all of them. He didn't want to go and after long explanations but with discussion about my having to travel he finally did go. He has been in there for 4 days now and is very angry with me and whining about being a prisoner, but there is really no other choice. He couldn't live alone any more and I simply can't take living with him like it's been the last 5 months. I have a rash all over my body, haven't been able to sleep for weeks, and tightness in my chest when I deal with him.

I am back in his home packing it up and hopefully the rent from it will pay for the home he is in and I won't have to move him to an institution. It just goes to prove that he doesn't know what he wants. He finally admitted he can't live alone and he needs help. He was still talking about going back to the old country (he barely made the 3 hr flight to my home let alone a 12 hr flight overseas), and the last time he went overseas I got a call from the American embassy saying he was refusing to get on the airplane back to the US because he thought "they" were trying to kill him.

Guardianship courts give the elder a say in who the guardian is. If the elder doesn't want the relative, the court appoints a guardian and financial guardian (here anyway) and they put the elder in an institution and appoint someone in the institution as guardian and another person as financial guardian to pay for the institution. They put a lien on the assets to pay for the institution. As difficult and spiteful as he is I don't wish an institution on him, but that is now up to him as if he won't make the "home" work, there is no alternative but a psych unit.

The people running the home say it takes about a month for them to settle in and minimal contact with family is better until they do. Now the job is cleaning out his home and renting it. I'll try to sell what I can, donate the rest to charity and hope he settles in and finds the peace in his final years that he has never been able to find before.
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The flight is today, did you get him on a plane? Have you changed plans? How did it go?
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Guardianship does not seize his assets, it just appoints someone to protect the person and/or property. I am guardian to my sister, nobody seized anything, they just want annual reports of how it is being managed.
Again, I caution against putting him on an airplane for his safety and for the safety of the passengers and crew. If he has an outburst, he will be thrown to the floor and shackled. It won't be pretty.
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I would place a call to the Area Agency on Aging to see if they have any ideas. Maybe there is a option for private transport, I have no idea, or a business that would send a nurse to monitor any medication you may give. I would not put my mom on a plane just because of the unpredictability of her behavior which is not aggressive the majority of the time.
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