How to get demented, aggressive mom from California to New Mexico?

We’ve driven quite a bit from CA to TX and pass through New Mexico. We usually drive from CA to Flagstaff (6 hrs) the first day. That’s a heck of a drive, but plan where the truck stops are (I’m pretty sure they’re open during the pandemic) ahead of time and maybe have an iPad with movies ready (and more meds) when she wakes up. 🙏 The road noise might actually help calm her. Definitely not much stimulation on I-40. Best of luck!!

My wife and I moved my dad across three states, 12 hour drive. Used a large SUV packed full of all the elder equipment. My dad had dementia, about 10 second short term memory but was not combative. Pretty easy going guy even then.

We had all the adventures with pit stops, pull ups, changing clothes due to accidents. Dad had been in memory care. No way we were going to try a motel so we put the hammer down and did one day drive. It was already very confusing for him. He was already on Ativan and I gave him some of his “Vitamins” during the trip. We took plenty of drinks and snacks that he likes.

We made it but it was one helluva trip. I had priced medical transport but that was crazy money and dad can be hard to wrangle and divert.

We considered an RV but that’s lots of money also and all the hassles of trying to get used to how things work. No way dad could have used the tiny bathrooms. Plus they’re pretty slow. We hauled ass in a Jeep grand Cherokee.

This was before COVID and we took advantage of the family changing rooms on the interstates.

The nurses had told us dad would sleep all the way. Nope. Not even 10 minutes! Constant 15 second loop of repeated questions. But he enjoyed the scenery and my travel narration.

Bottom line, it can be done but depends on the state of the elder and the abilities of the caregivers. Good luck.

For a drive that long, you would be better off renting an RV. Especially with the pandemic going on (You may find it difficult to find an open public bathroom).

Thank you for responding! We may have to go driving but with multiple folks, Husband cannot provide care, he needs care himself. You may be right on the money! Thank you!

I am thinking a car and sedation and the accompaniment of whomever she knows and trusts is your only recourse here. If it is made a one day trip she may be exhausted enough to sleep; of course so will the driver be.
I am assuming, since you say this is a move made for a couple, that currently the father is caregiving. There are some problems for sure in moving someone who will soon need to go into care herself; I doubt the answer for her will be being more near to you. I wish I had better ideas for you; I just don't.