I am haunted by an event that happened on November 13th. That is the day that my Mother started texting me just letters with no meaning. Prior to that, we sent clear texts to each other 2-3 times a day. My older sister (the caregiver) decided that my Mother's diagnosis was dementia and delirium due to a urinary tract infection. (My sister spoke to a nurse practitioner over the phone who ordered a urine specimen and made the diagnosis over the phone 3 days later.) This diagnosis was made despite the fact that my Mother had classic signs of a stroke. My sister has no medical training. I was in contact with my Mom on a daily basis thru FaceTime. She was slurring her words and had facial paralysis. I could not understand what she was saying. My sister told me she would translate and she took my Mother's phone to send me text messages. She was only drinking fluids. At some point during this time period, my Mom had difficulty walking. My sister went out and bought her a walker without it being advised by a medical provider. During these 12 days, my Mom called 911 several times. My sister allowed her to go to a hospital ER once. My sister gave the ER my Mom diagnoses as dementia and delirium. A CT scan was done (which is not the best definitive tool to determine if a stroke occurred.) My sister was comfortable with the fact that an MRI was scheduled in 3 weeks. I tried to explain to family members that an MRI needed to be done sooner then later. I am a RN (whatever I say is garbage to my family.)
I have offered to let my Mom move in with me. All siblings, 2 sisters and 1 brother, are refusing to allow this to happen. I live in another state. They say she needs to live near her grandchildren.
My siblings are always 110% behind everything my sister does. I think this is because they are ok with whatever happens as long as they don't have to get involved.
I let my siblings know that I am no ok with how my Mother's stroke was neglected. My Mother is currently on a geripsych unit. I believe the neglect broke her. The caregiver is spending an hour of FaceTime with my Mother every night. I wonder if this is causing my Mother not to get well.
I am calling my Mom everyday and listening to her heartbreaking wish to be out of the hospital.
The rage towards my siblings is so intense--I don't want to get sick from it. Any suggestions for reading materials, seminars etc?
Thank you.
As far as I can gather from your post, your sister has been tearing around like a blue-arsed fly in her efforts to get your mother medical attention in very challenging circumstances - nobody takes an 81 year old to hospital or allows contact with visitors right now unless it is absolutely unavoidable. And meanwhile, your sister has also attempted (successfully, what's more) to keep your communication channel with your mother open.
I am all the same very sorry for how you must feel, and how painful it is to have to stay distant from someone when you want to be with her.
I have the strong impression that your conflict with your sister and the anger you feel towards your siblings go back much, much further than your mother's recent illness.
I hope your mother will make a good recovery. I'm sure she is very keen indeed to get out of hospital and God willing she will. Do you get updates on how she is doing medically?
When Dad had his he first started having symptoms several days before he went to the hospital. Now Dad lives with my brother and his wife, a physician.
When he got to the hospital, a small neighbourhood one, the doctors there did not think he had had a stroke. He was still up and moving about. A CT showed nothing, but the physicians decided to send him to the large hospital that has Stroke unit.
In the ambulance he had another stroke and had right side paralysis. At the second hospital they did an MRI, but still could not see anything. A second MRI was done of his brain stem and they found the location of the stroke.
Your mother was seen at a hospital. I am sure they did diagnostic tests and did not take your sisters word for a diagnosis. But Mum's situation may have been further complicated it she did indeed have a UTI at the same time.
We are lucky Dad had his stroke at 86 and is almost 92. He had months of intense physiotherapy and does his exercises to this day. I am not angry with my brother or sister in law for not recognizing that Dad was having a stroke.
Zelda, as a medical professional, you may have recognized that Mum was having a stroke, but you could not have prevented it. The important thing is that Mum is receiving treatment now.
I don’t know what to even say.
Do whatever you feel is best. Wishing you peace during this difficult time.