How to find alone time?

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I'm griping a lot... I'm not the happiest about becoming an instant caregiver.

The one silver lining has been my boyfriend who has done an amazing job of stepping in and helping out (as well as talking me down from my multiple meltdowns).

However, since bringing my Dad to my place (which isn't elderly friendly by the way), my boyfriend and I have had absolutely NO alone time.

My Dad is ALWAYS around. We never know when he's asleep or awake. We haven't gone out since he moved in (I miss our Sunday movie nights) and we haven't been intimate since because we never know when Dad is going to interrupt or try to barge in on us.

Even if we are cuddling in the other room, my Dad will find a reason to call me to help him. If my BF just gives me a peck on the cheek, Dad makes some snide comment about it (yet he has no problem when he is the center of attention).

My BF has been wonderful about taking Dad somewhere so I can get some "me" time, but I want some US time... and not just for a few hours. I miss our all day rendezvous where we were carefree and just enjoyed each other whenever we wanted...

This is worse than having kids... which is why I made the decision over 10 years ago that motherhood was NOT in my future.

I want some uninterrupted one-on-one time with my sweetheart without worrying about getting back to Dad. Are those days over?

How can I maintain a healthy relationship if that piece stays missing for too long?

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I just had some extended respite time. It surprised me that with several activities I could do, being ALONE was a top priority. I could sleep uninterrupted, read a book, eat when I wanted to. you can get respite care (costs money) in home assistance with or without help from family. You could get a granny sitter one evening a week and do what you want, go out, stay in a hotel.
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Perhaps you could find some respite care services. Your Dad could then stay overnight @ an AL that provides this or look into having a caregiver who could do an overnight stay while you and you BF get away. This could be costly, but some state homecares offer a caregiver "scholarship" program to help fund respite care. Look into other homecare services to relieve stress of doing it all on your own!
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I feel your pain. We moved dad in 6 months ago. He has his own living room (My old office, I'm in the basement now), bedroom and bath. He is mobile but it is different with 3 in the house. He just went home to visit family over the holiday and it was bliss for 5 days! We didn't realize how much us time we needed. Trust me it was good! Now he is back. I don't harbor resentment that he is here but it is just different. More dishes for me, more noise etc. He is hyper focused on a knee replacement and that I will have to do everything for him. He eats all the wrong foods. He ate all wrong this last week while away and brought home souse and scrapple, all full of sodium! He felt horrible when he got home. He bought crap foods and now he is cooking (frying) it and I can smell it all over the house and I will have to clean up the mess. I am trying to lose weight and eat healthy so it makes it difficult. Again I am not upset but it is just it makes it different. We have to plan date nights out, that helps. even thought I have a pretty large house it does interfere with intimacy just having another in the house commenting all the time. As difficult as it may be you have to get out a lot, go out for a cheap meal, movie, walk, see friends. I do resent I can't entertain like I used to so we just have to make different plans now. Now it is more I am the adult and he is the child, boy the tables have turned. I have introduced him to senior events and clubs but he wont go on his own as much but I am putting my foot down and making him do it. Finding him things to do will help us more. Ask him for some quiet time, find a place where you and your boyfriend can go to be alone even if it is for a few hours. Another hour of work for me and then I am going to the gym for a while to get out! Good luck, take care of yourself first!
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sounds like this living arrangement is causing you to have resentment towards your dad. You must have once,had a decent relationship to have him move in with you. i know it was asked, do you have siblings? They need to take dad for weekend. Can you talk with dad, he may not be so happy, maybe he is socially isolated, older people need a life as well, friends....purpose. What does your dad do for fun? How much care does he need, does he care for himself properly?
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You didn't mention if you have siblings or not. Could they take care of your Dad sometimes to give you some alone time?
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I don't know if it is the best thing to have your Dad living with you at this point in time. It may not be the best for your Dad either. He may need to be with others his age and where others can care for him 24/7. If he is difficult now, he may become even more difficult. Your relationship is still strong, but may become strained. It is admirable that you are good daughter and want to take care of your Dad. But he may have needs that you cannot fulfill right now. I would recommend that you either look into daycare, other living arrangements for him, or caregivers who can come into your home so that you and your BF can go somewhere for some time alone. Wish you the best and God bless you
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Adult day stay programs can be a life saver for caretakers, certainly has been for me. Hubby goes to a memory care nursing home but general care homes may offer the same service. Look for one that includes weekends. Your movie night may become movie afternoon and romantic lunches instead of dinner. I used "A place for mom" to find hubbys facility but be prepared to be swamped with callers offering services.
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*Tinyblu* -- I'm wondering about several things you didn't mention in your post. What age range are you? Your elder's age range? (eg: early 80's)?

What kind of help does your elder need? If he can just "pop in" on you, then it must not be an ambulatory issue. Is it cognitive?

This sounds like a major shift in what you were used to for years. It can take some getting used to. You didn't have children -- which is a "training" experience for dealing with constant interruptions, but it is also gradual and you grow into it as your child/children grow.

I can understand your frustration because it is a big change in routine for you. This is a good forum to vent, and we can offer some ideas, but please tell some more about your situation so we can offer the correct ideas.
2 more questions - are you in a city or rural area? Also, are you employed outside the home?
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contact your area of aging office and see if he is able to get any kind of help that will free up some time for yourself. is he able to go on sr bus to a local senior center for some activities?
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Senior group homes have daycare just like children if you want time to yourself or week vacation or a weekend depending on what your dads needs are he will have to understand you still have a life too no harm done just tour some in your area to find the best one just like daddy daycare.
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