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Is it reasonable, or even fair, to expect someone with ALZ to "learn" a new boundary? Isn't the whole trajectory of ALZ that LOs are regressing and losing abilities and memory? It would be helpful if the OP would give the crucial detail of what behavior is troublesome. If it is sexual in nature, then the OP needs to remove themselves and have no expectation of behavior change.
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cwillie Aug 2019
I'm assuming the boundaries are the OP's, not something that are expected to necessarily change the behaviour of someone with dementia. So if the care recipient is doing something hurtful or destructive it's OK to tell them you aren't willing to put up with that and you apply the consequence - hang up the phone, leave, remove the offending item, or turn tasks over to another caregiver...

You establish boundaries that *you* can live with and *you* can stick to.

The point being that it is unreasonable to expect an Alzheimer's patient to recognise a boundary or even grasp the concept.

You can decide, for example, that visiting daily is too much and counterproductive, and you will cut back visiting to once at weekends and once during the week, bringing supplies and clean laundry. That's fine, that is ample. But your loved one will still wail for you every minute of the day - if that's the phase she is in - no matter how practical and reasonable the new schedule is.

Would you like to say a little more about what changes you're aiming to negotiate?
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againx100 Aug 2019
Exactly. At this point, you need to do what's best for yourself. And your LO will just have to deal with the reasonable limits you put on yourself.
I think the key to any boundaries is to have a firm line that is clearly stated and understood, and to then have meaningful consequences when that line is crossed.

Would you care to share any examples of the boundaries you wish to establish?
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