My grandmother is 95 years old. While she can pass away any day, her health is such that unless something drastic happens (fall, etc.) she will not be going anywhere for a while. I want to remain with her until she passes, because that is her wish. She does not want to go to a nursing home, or even a hospital. She wants to remain at home until the end.
I am concerned about some things:
1) Career: I have no job skills that can help me re-enter the job force when my responsibilities change. I studied viola performance in college, and am a good violin teacher. But there is no demand for this skill, so I have to get reeducated. I am already 26, and I am concerned about ageism in the work field. I do not want to go into care taking as a career. I regret going into a profession that does not earn money, and I only have a small window of youth left to really pursue "what I want."
2) Exercise: The past 3 weeks, I have been leaving grandma alone for about 3 hours, 6 days a week to exercise at a local gym. I gained 90 lbs in the last 3 years, and I need to get healthy and lose weight. I am able to go and leave her alone at the moment, but I know there will be a time that grandma can't be left alone. Recently her back has been getting weak, so she needs someone to walk behind her and hold her back to ambulate. Lifting her off the toilet, etc.
3) Church: I go to church 4x a week, and I would like to continue doing this because this is the most important part of my life. Again, she is left alone when my mom drives me. There may come a point when she can't be left alone.
I guess a lot of these concerns are "what ifs" but they are bothering me. I have squandered a lot of my youth even before being a caretaker, because I made poor decisions and had psychological problems. I'm on disability (though I don't feel "disabled.") I'm very motivated. I am finally getting my life together, becoming Christian and going to church to be with godly people, and this challenge comes up. I guess it's God's will for me to be a caretaker. But the dreams I had once to be a career woman, an independent person who could support myself with a career I love, I feel like these dreams are gone. I guess reality sets in.