Follow
Share

I have a friend in a nursing home. Which was necessary 2 years ago when he 1st came sick. He's much better now and with a little assistance we believe he can live alone. Does the nursing home do any testing to see if the person is capable? How do we get legal help as he is married but has been estranged for 8 to 10 years. Since he got sick she found he was getting SSDI and now she claims she needs his check 1395$ a month to live and he doesn't even get a pair of underwear from her. She does pay 750 a month back to the nursing home. Her and his 3 kids do not even visit him.

Find Care & Housing
Smart im treading, He had applications in The elderly disabled complexes in our home town. They would take 1/3 of what ever he gets. hes been on the wait list for along time and we have to check his status. PS his wife makes good money so she would not be impoverished, its basically new found money to her. I didn't mention i dated bill for 3 years and he lived in my home. Now we are just good friends. i care a lot about his health/quaility of life
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to jmann722
Report

You are right to be asking questions to help your friend!
You are a caregiver by definition, and can use all the help you can get!
Good on you!!

There are caregivers here who can help you, maybe they are scarce due to the holidays, but stay with us!
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Sendhelp
Report

Igloo had answered on another thread about Medicaid paying for AL:


igloo572
Dec 21, 2018
First, your mom & you are beyond lucky that Medicaid in her state -Arizona- will pay for AL. For most states that is a total non starter, as it’s only skilled nursing facility aka NH that is required / dedicated funding by a state in order for them to get federal $ so states only do the absolute minimum required. Kudos to AZ!
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Sendhelp
Report

Keep thinking.....
The Patient's Rights Advocate may be the best choice if you were seeking just to get Bill released from the NH.

Hoping others will come by and offer solutions for you, as this is a complicated case. Even so, you are not alone in advocating for your friend. Families run into the same challenges, often taking years for results. With the best of intentions, the money will leave you vulnerable to false accusations, no matter what you do for him. Good for you, keep helping anyway! imo.

Let us know how things are going if you can.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Sendhelp
Report

Moms NH had a court yard. People were coming in and out all the time. Even wheelchair bound people. Is there a reason he can't go out on his own. He is a resident and he has rights.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
jmann722 Dec 23, 2018
A few patients can go out the front do to a patio. he doesn't have that right i do not know why. There are no Grounds or court yard in this home.
Thanks Janice
(0)
Report
Under the structured environment at the NH, he may not be drinking alcohol?

Call the Patient's Rights Advocate or Ombudsman about his right to go outside to get some fresh air. That can be solved.

You sound like a good friend to him. I share your concerns about his legal right to be self-determining after improving.

Gathering the information will be time consuming, may take awhile.

Is your friend in recovery, no longer wanting to drink? Did he drink while at your home? I ask because if he drinks now, this could actually be dangerous to his health. What do you think? He is still young at 59. His name is Bill!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Sendhelp
Report
jmann722 Dec 23, 2018
Hi Thanks, He seems to not have any desire to drink. he dosent ask. He has in the past and I just say NO. He no longer asks. I was bringing him to events but his hearing is off kilter and he gets dizzy in crowds. He is waiting for hearing aids to assist in his hearing. Im not sure why its taking so long. Also sitting in this home his teeth were falling out so i took it apon my self to start bringing him to a dentist. He had all his uppers pulled and we have more appointments this week. If anyone else cared for him i wouldnt be asking these questions. :)
(1)
Report
Thank you everyone. He has short term memory issues. He takes can take care of himself with little help... would be remembering to take meds and getting to apts. I'm not looking to get his money as I absolutely have his best interest in mind. Kids are all over 18. He feels hes in prison and has no rights. Can only get fresh air if a smoker 4 times a day. If you dont smoke you dont go out. I got them to finally let me have him overnight 1st time in 2 years for christmas.. i take him out often and am taking care of things like seeing a dentist.Yes he says I gotta get out of here. We is meaning me and some of his long time friends. I know I'm ranting just working through where to start to assist him. I dont know if anything has gone thru courts like poa or guardianship. Thanks I'll keep thinking.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to jmann722
Report

There was no financial agreement as he usually didnt work. She always worked. He lived in my house for 3 years. After that he lived in their house and slept on the couch. I helped him apply for ssdi which he did not contribute to the house at that time. He has memory issues due to alcoholism.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to jmann722
Report

If they were estranged for 8-10 years before he became ill, what were the financial arrangement he had made with his wife?

Is he a Vetersn who may have served on active duty during a war?
In Re: Aid and Attendance Benefits to Veterans.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Sendhelp
Report

What is the goal, and where can he afford to live?

Has he expressed a desire to move?

There are differing levels of care and insurance likely does not provide for AL.
But I would take him to an affordable AL tour, allow them to "interview" him for the level of care he requires. (should be free). imo.

This will all be complicated if wife has POA, and financial plans have already been set for her to not become impoverished. She is "in charge" of his money...is this without his permission or done legally? Transferring POA or Representative Payee to yourself will likely result in elder abuse accusations or a lawsuit against you, imo.

So, now that he qualifies for AL, he will be ready to move when he can get down to the Social Security Office and get his check automatically deposited to his own account that he has opened on his own, (again, without undue influence). He has already opened his own P.O. Box by then. You WILL NOT become his rep-payee!
In answer to your question, one way to determine if a person can live alone is if they are competent to handle their own financial affairs, or direct someone to help them achieve that. imo.

Ask your friend what he wants, then try the above with help from a caseworker at the senior center/dept. of Aging, who can oversee protecting his rights. One can also contact the patient's rights advocate in your county. imo.

Do not worry about the divorce, because once his wife no longer receives his check, she will file for divorce to try and get support. Do they own a home together? See an attorney. Specializing in elder law, NAELA certified, through legal aid programs accessed through senior ctr/dept. of Aging. imo.

You state: "With a little assistance we believe he can live alone".
Who is "WE" ? What is his illness, and is it expected to reoccur?
Or decline, wax and wane, be cured?

BTW, Social Security laws require that a person's SSDI be spent entirely on their own needs. Has everything been done legal, with his agreement, or by wife's design?

Do not take action until you have enough information. imo.

Qualifier: Not an attorney, seek legal and medical advice, imo.
My opinion only, may disagree with the experts.
My experience only, may not apply to your friend.
Imo.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Sendhelp
Report

Forgot, he should have a PNA account (personal needs)that the NH manages. Only he can use the acct. Its about $50 a month. He can buy anything he needs, like underwear, from this acct. You can purchase and he can show the receipt and get you reimbursed.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Sendhelp Dec 22, 2018
JoAnn,
This is a really good point, looking at the whole picture is helpful!
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
I am assuming here he is on Medicaid for his care. If so, as the communial spouse she is entitled to not be made impoverished. Can he contest this with Medicaid saying they are estranged? Maybe, can't hurt to try. But then all his SSD will go to the home for his care. I am assuming children are 18 or older.

To be honest, not sure if I would use the NH for an evaluation. Its kind of a conflict of interest. He is not in prison and is considered a resident so he should be able to see a doctor out of the facility that will take Medicaid. If he is receiving SSD he receives Medicare and Medicaid. He will need to find a doctor who excepts both. Once he is evaluated and found he can do it on his own, he has to make sure services are in place before he leaves the facility. Have him talk to the Social Worker, she should be an unbiased person. If he is told he can't be evaluated outside the facility, get the APS and Ombudsman involved. Like I said, he is a resident not a patient. He still has rights.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Is he competent? And how much assistance is "a little"?
How will he get this assistance once he leaves?
He can request an evaluation and if approved medically he can be discharged. But he has to have a safe place to go once he leaves.
As far as the wife he could file for divorce again only if he is competent.
And if you are pressuring or showing any signs of "undue influence" there might be a problem since you are an "un-involved" person...unless you are POA for health or finance. The wife may say you are influencing him and file a restraining order. The court will not care that they have been estranged they are still married. Tread lightly
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter