My mom was recently diagnosed as capable of handling herself. This was needed to write up a new will. My brother and I have POA and she is living with him and his family right now and will visit me when she's ready. She can no longer live alone because she is getting very very forgetful. she can do most things herself, but as far as memory and minor things like driving , cooking etc, she is not able. How long do I let my brother stay in denial of her failing memory? The reason I ask is because since she cannot live in her big house anymore, I'd like to dissolve the contents and house and put the money in her account in case she needs medical attention ( like a nurse). My brother insists she is ok and takes her there to the house for weekends and his personal use. I am very torn because he placed himself in charge and has pushed me out of the picture all within 2 weeks of getting the POA.
Mom had been calling my sister and telling her she hated it here. She also was keeping my sister and I at odds with each other to be the center of attention. Moving her back was the best thing we could have done even for the short month it was. Both my sister and I are on the same page now. Neither of us was realizing the Dementia was our biggest foe in this battle. She is now back here but my sister and I are working together to get her into the care she needs, keeping her safe and freeing us to live our lives. The realization for me was finding out all the horrible things my mother was saying about me to anyone who would listen when she was visiting my sister. It all came out and WOW did my sister and I have a wake up call. She was saying horrible things about my sister to me,too. We both were playing her game thinking we were protecting her out of love. Your brother may be where I was, so open the lines of communication with compassion. It is amazing how this little 5ft nothing, 90 yr old woman played us and we had NO clue just how far into Dementia she was until now.
Vitallifesenior has good advise. I would say sit back, your brother will need you. It's very hard to do it all on your own. Also, I have seen these things rip familys apart and end badly when one focus on the estate and the other on the care of the parent, so be patient. It's 50/50 you'll have your time.