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My mom was recently diagnosed as capable of handling herself. This was needed to write up a new will. My brother and I have POA and she is living with him and his family right now and will visit me when she's ready. She can no longer live alone because she is getting very very forgetful. she can do most things herself, but as far as memory and minor things like driving , cooking etc, she is not able. How long do I let my brother stay in denial of her failing memory? The reason I ask is because since she cannot live in her big house anymore, I'd like to dissolve the contents and house and put the money in her account in case she needs medical attention ( like a nurse). My brother insists she is ok and takes her there to the house for weekends and his personal use. I am very torn because he placed himself in charge and has pushed me out of the picture all within 2 weeks of getting the POA.

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What are the Law's in Michigan for In home care if the patient has been found incompetent? Does the health care givers need Licenses or can it be nurses aids with no licenses.
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Just a thought for the future pita601. If you have her declared incompetent, you may encounter difficulties in the future if you wish to have her move into assisted living. I have recently learned that if the healthcare POA is activated, some AL facilities (depends on their certification rating) cannot accept them.
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Recently my mother (90 yrs old) demanded to move back to our old home town to be "closer to her friends". I have been caring for her for over 7 yrs. She had a severe stroke, Parkensons, and Dementia. My husband and I put a small cottage on our property for her to feel independent but safe.
Mom had been calling my sister and telling her she hated it here. She also was keeping my sister and I at odds with each other to be the center of attention. Moving her back was the best thing we could have done even for the short month it was. Both my sister and I are on the same page now. Neither of us was realizing the Dementia was our biggest foe in this battle. She is now back here but my sister and I are working together to get her into the care she needs, keeping her safe and freeing us to live our lives. The realization for me was finding out all the horrible things my mother was saying about me to anyone who would listen when she was visiting my sister. It all came out and WOW did my sister and I have a wake up call. She was saying horrible things about my sister to me,too. We both were playing her game thinking we were protecting her out of love. Your brother may be where I was, so open the lines of communication with compassion. It is amazing how this little 5ft nothing, 90 yr old woman played us and we had NO clue just how far into Dementia she was until now.
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thank you all. Yes my interest lies with my mom and relieving the pressure of her house. I only want my brother to realize he cannot at his age drive 3 hours every weekend to bring mom back to a home she has bad memories with. I don't want her money or any belongings she's given us enough over the years, I just want to ease up the stress and have her realize she cannot live there alone anymore. So to save her some big money on costs I thought to sell the contents and then the house and put it in her account for whatever she may need it for. My brother knows I have more room than him and no more kids at home. Yet he talks over me and says she's fine. yes she is but my concern is her strange phone calls to me and then her denial that she called me. Her doctor wrote the letter of competance because the lawyer knew grandchildren were named in the old will and could contest it in CT. She has good days and bad days. I just feel she either needs some medicine to regulate her thoughts a little more or she is really afraid of my brother and doesn't want to say anything.he isn't mean to her but just thought controlling. I will be seeking legal advise tomorrow. Thanks again for listening.
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This is a good question, because my dad is about in the same condition, however a lawyer who was going to help him with a will (he didn't remember having one), she said she was worried about his competence and the validation of a new will. Once I had told her he had one and I had it, the issue was over.
Vitallifesenior has good advise. I would say sit back, your brother will need you. It's very hard to do it all on your own. Also, I have seen these things rip familys apart and end badly when one focus on the estate and the other on the care of the parent, so be patient. It's 50/50 you'll have your time.
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Your mother can slip quickly into a more progressed stage of dementia and if you see it because you visit less often than your brother who is with her constantly, then you have just as much right to order a psych evaluation from a licensed psychiatrist and a neurologist, both of whom probably were not consulted previously. My doctor did the standard evaluation (it is the same set of questions Medicare has for mental functioning and lasts about 12 mins.) on my husband and said he was all right. She is an internist. I knew this was wrong, had him evaluated by a neurologist who did the more extensive testing (MRI, EEG, a 3 hr. psychological test), and proved he has dementia. Signing a legal document does not have the same standards of competency as a neuro exam. As far as selling the house, if mom doesn't need the money yet, then let her have some time to adjust to her move. Don't let your brother bully you, and say something now or if you do not, in the eyes of the law, you will have agreed with what he wants to do...Good luck!
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Sure she was competent enough to know that she didn't want her finances or property to go unguarded, my mother was the same way, she was deemed competent enough to understand the implications of a power of attorney, but she needs help in all areas, knowing something is different than being able to do something about it, she is not capable of doing things for herself, but she understands that she wants me to help cover her assets.
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The physician who would need to deem her incompetent may have felt she was capable of making choices at that time however, if her memory is continuing to fail than it may be reconsidered. If her living will indicated 50-50 (joint POA) than you really are going to struggle to get that changed. Something to take note is that sometimes people will appoint a financial power of attorney and appoint someone different for the Health Care Power of Attorney so you may want to review the living will. If this is frustrating you a significant amount you may want to seek out an elder care attorney for advice.
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Firstly, she was deemed competent enough to execute a will. For now I would leave well enough alone. The doctors whom deemed her capable would have to deem her incapacitated. It sounds like your mother is not in late stage dementia, if your brother is willing to do what he is doing, let him and let her have her house as long as is possible. It sounds like you are wanting to sell the house more for your convenience or interests, whatever those would be, more than for her best interest, sorry but this is how it sounds and I'd bet the doctors would feel the same way.
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Hello, two physicians have to evaluate and sign a letter of incapacitation this will then allow the healthcare POA HCS start making decisions. Contributor | James
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