She has episodes of getting out bed screaming beating her cane on all doors threaten ppl. Saying my brother in law (her son)has a girl in there and she wants her out. During these episodes MS. Martin will cuss like sailor and can walk and get in and out bed with no problem what's so ever. EVERY THING is catered to her bedside when she eats, drinks, snacks. I am point of being afraid of her I'm scared she is gonna wake us in middle night trying harm us. My husband is her only care giver and she has become very abusive to him. I have almost seen a strong willed hard working man have a break down because of her and things she tells ppl and Anthony has done everything he can for her almost point of losing his wife of 30 yrs. He can't keep her from harming herself by wandering around at night when she is fall risk nor keep her from going into one of ranging spells so he is power of attorney but they td him he has to have her declared incompetent before he could put her in facility so he was wondering if someone could point him in right steps? Thanks in advance
Madison Co. Alabama
A health check is in order asap.
When the next unusual or dangerous behaviour starts, take her to the hospital or urgent care. If she is violent or uncooperative, call 911 to transport her.
Is it Dementia? (Progressive non-curable disease). Or maybe delerium? (short term, recoverable condition - a symptom of UTI or other infection in the elderly). Or brain changes from any number of other causes.
Often there is no instant diagnoses & no instant magic pills but meds for agitation may help.
But whatever the cause, the immediate concerns are getting your household safer & getting MIL's physical health & mental status looked into.
Once you know what her condition is, then you can start to make longer plans for her care.
Take care.
You've certainly come to the right place, because this forum is a lovely community of experienced caregivers who will understand exactly what you're going through. They will have lots of ideas and good advice, only most are (or should be) fast asleep just now so give it a few hours and you should have plenty of replies.
Meanwhile, try https://www.ofamadco.org/caregiver-services.aspx - this is the website for Madison County's Office for Aging and has a contact telephone number on it.
If you can give us a bit more background information, such as whether your MIL is living in your home or you're living in hers, how old she is, and how your husband came to be her primary caregiver (and when!) it would be really helpful. Supportive hugs to you, there will be a way forward.
If she refuses to see a doctor, call 911 when she is acting out and have her taken to the ER.
If that is a no go check to see if your state has the Baker Act.
If she has a UTI, you could expect much improvement in her behavior after treatment. Left unchecked a UTI can be toxic.