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My mother-in-law was no longer able to live alone and was 4 hours away from us, so we finally convinced her to come stay with us for a while until we sorted out a better living situation local to us. It has been a long fight to get her here, as she's continually lying and hiding things from us and refusing our help. Once she got here, it was obvious her condition was worse than we were aware of, and she wasn't far from needing 24/7 care. She then fell last week and broke her Femur and is back in the hospital. She is now looking at atleast 10-12 weeks in a rehab facility/skilled nursing home with no weight on that leg. She is VERY high risk if she gets COVID. We're having a hard time justifying sending her to a facility where the risk of catching COVID is high. Not to mention we are limited to what facilities her Advantage Plan with Medicare covers.


However, I don't think bringing her to live with us during recovery is a realistic option. She will need 24/7 care, which we can't afford. We also have young children and both have full time jobs.


I guess I'm just having a hard time with the guilt if we send her to a SNF for rehab, and she does get COVID, we feel it would be our fault. Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

As soon as she gets to rehab, contact the social worker in getting her set on Medicaid. Do not sign anything making you finacialy responsible. Have her sign the paper. Twelve weeks mean she will meet her 100 day limit and she will need to learn weight bearing slowly. This means custodial care afterwards up to 14 K per month. You already know that she will need full time care and you cannot afford it. However you did yhe right thing bringing her closer to help her manage. Do not feel guilty about placement. This is her medical condition that she needs to bear.
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Reply to MACinCT
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Reading/watching many videos proving 90% plus of people who get Covid 19 recover well, or even have very few or no symptoms - even quite old people in nursing homes! And it's true; any of you could bring it home.
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Reply to mally1
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My MIL is 85 yrs old in LTC. She had covid in May and survive, came back 100%. Eight people in my church got it this June. One was 60+ w/diabetes, one 70+ w/diabetes, 2 were morbidly obese, 1 was 70+ and healthy, 1 40+ with some immune system issues. All survived, most came back 100% and 3 have some lingering but not life-altering issues (the 70+ healthy one, the 40+ one and the 70+ w/diabetes). Covid is not a death sentence for most people. BarbBrooklyn makes excellent points. Did your state pass legislation allowing LOs inside the facility as "essential caregivers"? My state did so we can go inside anytime we want to see my MIL (with masks, of course). You can check each facility's covid rates and ask what their protocols are. If they are well managed, your mom should be as protected as is possible. That's as much as you can do.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Are you looking at recent numbers or cumulative numbers? At the beginning of covid, there was no PPE in many homes. That took its toll. Many places, things are better now in that regard.

As my mom aged, I realized that there was only "the least bad choice" most times. My gma died from pneumonia when my brother came home with the flu. Being elderly comes with risks that we can't always mitigate.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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mhwv05 Oct 6, 2020
That’s a good point! I believe the numbers I’m looking at are cumulative. I will make some calls once we decide on a few options and see what current numbers are. Thanks will help.
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Are you posting about the person named in your profile that has a long list of issues including dementia, heart and lung disease, plus more? There’s a lot going on here. With both a family and jobs you admit to not being able to provide the care she requires in your home. It’s good you’re being honest with yourself on that. There’s no denying the risk of Covid but there’s also risk in your home. Likely greater risk as you and your family come and go daily, you can’t provide the therapies and care she requires, and the huge mental and emotional toll on all of you. It’s understandable to be sad that you can’t fix her situation, we all want the best for our family members. In this, the best may be to find a rehab with a good therapy program and positive reputation (hospital social workers tend to know a good bit here) check their Covid status, and find out if she can live there in NH section after rehab concludes. You’ll still be her caregiver, in a different role, as her advocate being sure she has the care she needs.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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mhwv05 Oct 6, 2020
Yes, the same person.

Thank you. You are right. We had the same dilemma about COVID when bringing her to stay with us and decided the pros out weighed the risk. With the kids in school, daycare and us working, we are just as likely to bring it home. I just look at the numbers and stats of the cases in the local NH's and it is overwhelming.
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