My mom is 80 and not in terrible health, but has depression issues and does not get out or move much. She lives alone and we have found her depression is much worse when alone for long periods of time. We have looked into IL near her in NH and have been told that an apartment is available next month. The monthly rate is very high at around 9K. When doing some rough math, I calculate she will run out of money in about 8 years. This place will not take medicaid so she would have to be moved to nursing home when she runs out of money. I would hate to do that to her since she has already said to us that being put in a nursing home would be her worst fear. I hate to try to figure out how much time she has because you never know. Do we put her in the IL now or wait some time until she really needs it? Btw - there are 3 of children, 2 out of state and 1 living 2 hours away. Moving in with any of us is not an option.
My mother lived in a mountain home in NC, alone. She refused to go into AL near my brother & I, so we laid in the weeds and waited, she had a small stroke and then was afraid to stay alone at night. We swooped her up.
Placed her in an AL near us, sold her house, with her SS and from the sale of her house, she had 8 years of money to pay for her facility.
She is 4 years into it.
My mother loves AL, so much to do, new friends, activities and more! Seniors need socialization with people their own age. This is vital.
She will turn 99 this month. If she runs out of money, she will go on Medicaid, this home accepts it after the resident has been there 5 years or more. We wanted a home that had this type of step up program. If she had to be moved to MC, she could, NH all in one facility.
Me, I am not a waiter, I am a planner, I did not want to wait until it was an emergency and have to take what was available.
Good Luck!
Other options might be spending some of her money on planned activities of some sort. Keep looking for other living options. Does she feel well enough to do things and just doesn’t want to?
Also, if it hasn’t been done yet, maybe consider a review of her medications with a geriatrician. You can do your own research, as well. Age and lifestyle changes how medications work, and she may be either off or over-medicated or on a drug not appropriate for an elder.
(I mention this because we thought my mom (78) was “fading”/dwindling due to chronic illness. Turns out she was seriously over prescribed for hypertension/statins and her general practitioner just keep renewing prescriptions for…well, way too many years [no comment]. She says she feels like a new woman - appetite back, more interested in doing things and back to running under her own steam. If you can get a list of your mom’s medications and doses, it’s worth checking. You have to be your own advocate these days, medical staff are so overwhelmed and “guidelines” run the show.)
Even if you had a "caregiver" or in this case a companion come in 1 or 2 days a week the cost would be far less than IL facility.
If she is better around people and activities would she do better with attending an Adult Day Program a few days a week? She would be with other people, she would have activities. Most pick up a participant in the morning, a lunch and snack are provided and they are returned home in the afternoon.
Would she Volunteer someplace? The local Senior Center (either as a Volunteer or just to go for activities) Local Schools need Volunteers to help with a variety of projects. I Volunteer at a local Hospice. Food Pantries need Volunteers.
One other point...you say "Do we "put" her in the IL now or wait until she really needs it?"
I guess the BIG question is does your mom WANT to go into an AL facility? You can't just "put" her in one. If she is cognizant she has a say in where she lives.
I looked at my bank accounts, and determined I would run out of money in a few years, and I was just under 80. So, I bit the dust and looked at a very old facility run by Brookdale. Oh, yes, some Brookdale facilities are very old. But, when I had my husband in memory care in one of Brookdale facilities in Phoenix, AZ, I found it well kept and the staff very attentive, professional, hard workers, kind and caring.
I kept in the back of my mind the facility also had Independent Living. After a few years of being a widow and actually not participating in any activities in my home area, I looked into Independent Living with follow-on assisted living and memory care in the same complex. I found an old Brookdale place, kind of run down, but sold to an independent buyer and fixed up to be a really nice facility.
When I was ready to make the move I looked at several newer facilities in my area, and decided I should actually take the old Brookdale place, rather than the newer facilities in the same area. My money would go a lot farther. I am very pleased at this place, do the research, look at your income now and x number years from now, depending on how old you are, and life expectancy. I was 80 when I looked into this type Independent living. Now I am going on 84, have lived here 3 years, and like it very much. There are a lot of activities to participate in, learning for people our age, music every Friday, wonderful real chef prepared meals, laundry facilities at our disposal, included weekly cleaning, many activities and daily outings by community bus and private car/driver for medical appointments. I looked at all of these services at each of the new and old facilities before choosing the lower cost. If I had chosen a newer place, at a cost of $7000 or more a month, $6000 a month, or even $5000 a month, I would be out of money in a few years. So, I bit my tongue, got my mind to operate the math, and decided I needed to take this older place. I do not cook. I did not choose an apartment with a full kitchen, although I do have a very small kitchen with cabinets, double sink, range top on a counter and microwave, housekeeping once a week, transportation to outings, doctor appointments, business appointments, shopping, It is not fancy. But,. we do have entertainment every Friday at Happy Hour (limited liquor, but variety of soft drinks), entertainment, clean campus, transportation to local stores several times a week, transportation to medical appointments, or to places like shopping center, banks, theaters, plays. We have entertainment every Friday for "happy hour", Dining Room, laundry in apartment buildings on each floor, annual cleaning of windows, carpets, all landscaping, even on my fenced in yard (not all are fenced in); a lot of everyday crafts, speakers, demonstrations, community activities with games, lectures, weekend TV movies or movies in the library. Entertainment every Friday, speakers, football pools, 2 meals a day (can pay extra $$ for a 3rd meal, most of us don't eat 3 meals a day). What I like best, is we feel like family. If one of us is missing at a meal, one of us will knock on the door to see if the person is okay. I have been at the same dinner table for 3 years now, and the 6 of us feel like family , making sure we are okay, someone calls us or knocks on the door to see if we need help; there are games and lectures throughout the day, entertainment Friday afternoon at happy hour, serving wine, beer, soda, snacks, and music entertainment. There are so many activities throughout any given day, you cannot be lonely. However, you can also stay in your room, don't participate in activities, order meals to your room for a fee.
Also the facility should also have Memory Care as well as Skilled Nursing or at least will be able to care for your mom is Skilled Nursing should be necessary. (some facilities will keep a resident as they decline if they were mobile when they became a resident)
Best of luck.
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