87 mother in law. Very forgetful accused me of putting inaccurate glucose numbers when monitor her insulin units. Doesn’t want my help. o am very stressed and burned out
Although educating yourself to her care needs may be helpful, in the end it probably will not solve the burnout issue. One sick, needy and uncooperative person can easily drain 2 younger adults like yourself and your husband.
You need to read other posts on this forum to get a full picture of the reality that is likely going to happen. What will you do when she refuses to take her insulin and is sneaking food into her mouth that is bad for her diabetes? You won't be able to reason with her, since she now has dementia (and paranoia is one of the symptoms, that's why she's acccusing you of a ridiculous thing). It will only get worse and worse.
So, you will need to make a decision or at least have an exit plan for when (not if) you are overwhelmed by her care. Is your husband her PoA? If she doesn't have a PoA and won't assign one, this (to me) would be a deal breaker because then you not only have an uncooperative person controlling your lives but you don't have the legal authority to get her out of your house without a great deal of struggle.
Does she have the funds to pay for a MC facility? If she's a fall risk, this tends to speed up the chaos since her injuries will most likely be broken bones, and not just bruises, plus trips to the ER, PT, delirium, UTIs, and on. I'm not exaggerating: please read just a few of the posts made by well-meaning but desperate adult children who thought it'd be a good idea to move their sick and uncooperative cognitively declining parent into their home.
The people responding to you on this thread are being blunt, but not mean -- it's like they are violently waving their arms as you drive past them headed toward the collapsed bridge. Please don't ignore their advice.
Your profile says: I am caring for my mother Ingerborg , who is 87 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, anxiety, arthritis, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, mobility problems, and urinary tract infection.
I think you neglected to add dementia, since she's also "very forgetful". I also think theres no option for "mother-in-law " so you put down "mother" for your 87 year old MIL. Tell her you'll care for her ONLY if she treats you in a civilized and loving manner. Otherwise, she can either care for herself or move into managed care since she's obviously very unhappy in your home.
You and her son need to now look into Memory Care Assisted Living placement for her, or Skilled Nursing care with Medicaid, since things will only worsen from here. Not many people can care for demented elders with a ton of health issues to boot at home.
You stop 'trying' to help. You set boundaries for your own mental and psychological health + well-being. She may have some dementia issues which means her brain is / has changed and will continue to do so. She will not change ... because she can't. Once you realize this, then you will realize that you need to change how you interact / commuincate with her, which may be very limited.
You never ever argue or 'try' to convince her of anything. It won't work and all that will do is frustrate you more.
You leave the situation (her) the moment she 'starts in.' Take a break for 5 minutes to 5 hours to 5 days. You learn how to take care of yourself, first.
You may need to get a caregiver in there to manage / deal with her. Do not continue to take this on. It is a no-win situation for you. It will only negatively affect your own mental and psycyological health and well-being.
Thank you everyone. My husband is supportive with her care and with me. I attending a seminar for caregivers this week. In the meantime she asks that I do certain things for her which I do gladly. She is on insulin and I administer her injections. We are talking long term and memory care for her.
If she doesn't want your help, stop giving it. If she lives in your house it's time to get her out.
Put her in memory care. Tell your husband she's his mother and he needs to find a memory care facility for her or you'll drop her off at a hospital ER with a note pinned to her jacket.
Bigfun, below you wrote that you are looking into LTC and MC. Please consult with a Medicaid planner for your state -- there is lots to know about what it actual covers and how to qualify, plus if you're managing your MIL's financial affairs, Medicaid in most states has a 5-year look-back period so you will need to be very careful to oversee it in a way that doesn't disqualify or delay your MIL from this very important benefit.
Your profile says only that you are caring for your diabetic MIL who is fall prone. Can you tell us if your MIL lives with you, or you with her? Where is your husband in all this? Does he share caregiving with you? Do you discuss with your husband how long you can continue in caregiving in home?
You cannot argue with dementia. So there's that to start. Hope you can provide us with more information.
You need to read other posts on this forum to get a full picture of the reality that is likely going to happen. What will you do when she refuses to take her insulin and is sneaking food into her mouth that is bad for her diabetes? You won't be able to reason with her, since she now has dementia (and paranoia is one of the symptoms, that's why she's acccusing you of a ridiculous thing). It will only get worse and worse.
So, you will need to make a decision or at least have an exit plan for when (not if) you are overwhelmed by her care. Is your husband her PoA? If she doesn't have a PoA and won't assign one, this (to me) would be a deal breaker because then you not only have an uncooperative person controlling your lives but you don't have the legal authority to get her out of your house without a great deal of struggle.
Does she have the funds to pay for a MC facility? If she's a fall risk, this tends to speed up the chaos since her injuries will most likely be broken bones, and not just bruises, plus trips to the ER, PT, delirium, UTIs, and on. I'm not exaggerating: please read just a few of the posts made by well-meaning but desperate adult children who thought it'd be a good idea to move their sick and uncooperative cognitively declining parent into their home.
The people responding to you on this thread are being blunt, but not mean -- it's like they are violently waving their arms as you drive past them headed toward the collapsed bridge. Please don't ignore their advice.
I am caring for my mother Ingerborg , who is 87 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, anxiety, arthritis, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, mobility problems, and urinary tract infection.
I think you neglected to add dementia, since she's also "very forgetful". I also think theres no option for "mother-in-law " so you put down "mother" for your 87 year old MIL. Tell her you'll care for her ONLY if she treats you in a civilized and loving manner. Otherwise, she can either care for herself or move into managed care since she's obviously very unhappy in your home.
You and her son need to now look into Memory Care Assisted Living placement for her, or Skilled Nursing care with Medicaid, since things will only worsen from here. Not many people can care for demented elders with a ton of health issues to boot at home.
Good luck.
You set boundaries for your own mental and psychological health + well-being.
She may have some dementia issues which means her brain is / has changed and will continue to do so.
She will not change ... because she can't.
Once you realize this, then you will realize that you need to change how you interact / commuincate with her, which may be very limited.
You never ever argue or 'try' to convince her of anything.
It won't work and all that will do is frustrate you more.
You leave the situation (her) the moment she 'starts in.' Take a break for 5 minutes to 5 hours to 5 days. You learn how to take care of yourself, first.
You may need to get a caregiver in there to manage / deal with her.
Do not continue to take this on. It is a no-win situation for you. It will only negatively affect your own mental and psycyological health and well-being.
Gena / Touch Matters
If you don't want her living in your house you don't have to keep her with you. Remember that. There's always placement.
Put her in memory care. Tell your husband she's his mother and he needs to find a memory care facility for her or you'll drop her off at a hospital ER with a note pinned to her jacket.
Can you tell us if your MIL lives with you, or you with her?
Where is your husband in all this? Does he share caregiving with you?
Do you discuss with your husband how long you can continue in caregiving in home?
You cannot argue with dementia. So there's that to start.
Hope you can provide us with more information.