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Dad Likes to place dinner plate on stove to warm prior to placing entree. Tonight, BEFORE he grilled his fish or I cooked rest, he Turned on stove and put on plate and then put his hand on plate to see if it was warm. I asked him why he was doing that before his fish was even cooked? He became infuriated and got defiant and verbally abusive. I asked him if the plate would still be warm after his fish was cooked? He then stopped, apparently reluctantly realizing that warming the plate then was wrong. I told him that I refuse to do that because it's dangerous and one can burn themselves, But he insists that he wants to eat off of a warm plate. This was the 1st really dramatically inappropriate, illogical behavior. I'm not so much worried about the plate issue as what it indicates: That his mind is starting to deteriorate faster.


His doctor told him he can still drive but he recently had a road rage incident where a driver said he changed lanes and drove him off the road. The police officers came to our house when the guy followed my father home and confronted him. I call the police to come protect my father and got him inside and closed the door. The police persuaded the guy to leave and nothing else happened but my dad is still driving and going out without even seeing if his destination is justified, e.g. going to a repairmen or place only to find they are not there or available instead of calling ahead. He's declaring his freedom by taking the car. People who see that he is still driving in the neighborhood or that do chores nearby are startled that he still drives. How can I persuade his doctor (72) that I'm not the wicked witch of the west that my dad says I am and that this is real and that my dad is potentially dangerous to himself and others?

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My engineer husband just shrieked at me about putting plates in microwaves, so I am repeating my previous post up-front. Microwaves heat by agitating molecules, more or less to rub each other and create heat. They work best with water or something moist, and they don’t work well at all with molecules in rocks or china plates. If plates are wet, the microwave heats the water, which heats the plate. If the plates are solid, nothing good is likely to happen and something bad might be very unpleasant.
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Countrymouse Jul 2, 2019
Indeed. Panasonic, in their user manuals, provide a little diagram to explain the process exactly. Guessing (correctly) that their customers are suckers for anthropomorphism, they portray a happy water molecule, smiling and minding his own business, who then becomes a little anxious and sweaty, and then appears to be being boiled alive. It almost put me off using the dam' thing.
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My mom's doctor did not want to say whether or not she should be driving. He said that this decision belonged to us, the three daughters, and to Mom. You should take the bull by the horns and work on stopping him from driving. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but there comes a time that you become the parent. It's a major loss of freedom, for sure. Talk with him, tell him how much you love him and worry for him. Point out the near miss, then listen to his defensiveness - but briefly. (This is my "let 'em gripe, let 'em wallow" strategy). Don't engage in a debate about it, just listen. Then cut that short and say this is something that has to happen and wouldn't it be awful if something happened when he was driving, either to himself, or to someone else. "You wouldn't want somebody's injury on your conscience, would you?"

He will balk like crazy. If you have to, come up with a compromise - driving only two days a week, say, or within a limited area, or in the morning only. Anytime else, you say, make a list and we'll do those errands together.

When he starts limiting his driving significantly, you'll find it easier to stop it altogether because it will actually get harder.

You have to take charge! It's a hard but necessary role reversal.
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My mom's doctor did not want to say whether or not she should be driving. He said that this decision belonged to us, the three daughters, and to Mom. You should take the bull by the horns and work on stopping him from driving. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but there comes a time that you become the parent. It's a major loss of freedom, for sure. Talk with him, tell him how much you love him and worry for him. Point out the near miss, then listen to his defensiveness - but briefly. (This is my "let 'em gripe, let 'em wallow" strategy). Don't engage in a debate about it, just listen. Then cut that short and say this is something that has to happen and wouldn't it be awful if something happened when he was driving, either to himself, or to someone else. "You wouldn't want somebody's injury on your conscience, would you?"

He will balk like crazy. If you have to, come up with a compromise - driving only two days a week, say, or within a limited area, or in the morning only. Anytime else, you say, make a list and we'll do those errands together.

You have to take charge! It's a hard but necessary role reversal.

When he starts limiting his driving significantly, you'll find it easier to stop it altogether because it will actually get harder.
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Start making a list. Date, incident, relevant factors.

I completely sympathise. You know when you're popping corn? and you sit and wait for ages and nothing happens, and then you hear Pop. Pop. Poppop. Poppop pop pop. Poppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppop - !

You've got at least two pops there. One, loss of road sense, and it really does sound as if your Dad had a serious near miss. Two, loss of planning - in a very small way, but all the same a very distinct "pop."

You are not being the Wicked Witch of the West; but you are being quicker to spot these telling signs than most families are, which is why you're not getting the ready response from the doctor that you'd want.

So get your facts lined up, take practical safety steps (I'm a low oven plate-warmer, myself), and avoid getting into upsetting arguments with your father that don't help. Wait for constructive planning discussions, and then point to your Fact Sheet.
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Maltesemom Jul 1, 2019
Thank you so much!
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if Dad is putting his plate right on the hot burner, he is risking having it explode into very sharp shards of broken plate.
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You can microwave a plate to warm it, can you experiment and find out how long it takes to get warm and then train him? Less likely to get a burn.
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Maltesemom Jun 30, 2019
Not supposed To microwave an empty plate. I had thought of that as an option and I try to put a side dish on his plate so I can warm it that way, But Dad go ahead of me on this instance.
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Maltesemom, here's a better idea for Dad who wants a warm dinner plate. Have him put a plug in the kitchen sink, put the plate in the sink, and run the hot water until it covers the plater. By the time he is ready to eat, the plate should still be warm. Wipe dry, and serve.

I see that your Dad is 96 years old, and still lives at home. Do you live with Dad? What happens is the adult/child dynamics where Dad is still the adults and you are still the child, and what do you know :P We all have run into that situation during the course of trying to care for a parent.
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Maltesemom Jun 30, 2019
Yes. I am the daughter who lives with him and has been since early 2011. I contribute financially, Manage all financial & household matters. Dad is still pretty mentally sharp, Especially in the morning, Which is when he schedules all his doctor's appointments. Thank you for your input and support.
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