I stumbled across this site and while it is in some way comforting to know other people are in the same boat, I also wonder if perhaps I have it easy relative to many who post here.
My mom has always been a high anxiety, intense, demanding, nothing ever good enough type of person. I feel she ruined my childhood (and resent my dad for putting up with her behavior, his coping mechanism was to just ignore her rather than deal with it). On the other hand, people have worse childhoods and still overcome it.
My parents are now hovering around ninety still living in the home I grew up in. In my mom's defense, she wanted to move into senior housing years ago to get rid of the responsibility of maintaining a home and be able to have access to the social activities and other services in a senior home. My dad was stubborn and did not want to move.
Fast forward, my dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimers (mid stage) so it is a burden for my mom to take care of and she does need help. I live about 12 miles away, am single, no family, lost my job but am financially established, so I am the sibling that always gets called to help with chores around the house, driving on errands etc. The problem is no matter how much I do my mom is not satisfied, she only demands more, tells me about how all of her other friends and relatives have kids who do so much more for them, etc. I soon began to realize that no matter how much I did it would not be enough. I promised I would come one whole day a week to do whatever she wanted me to do, then other days as required . That soon morphed into two days, then three days, etc. And the funny part is that since I am not working, it would otherwise provide me with something of meaning to do if she was not so darn unappreciative, demanding, difficult to be with . My dad has issues with his dementia so I help give him baths, stuff like that, but he is much easier to deal with than my mom. She is high anxiety, I got her MD to give her anxiety meds which my mom will not take. She has this nervous habit of buzzing all the time, like a mosquito in your ear all the time and it literally drives you nuts to be around. She cannot locate any of her financial statements, so I bought a file cabinet and files to bring over so she could organize these things. She has not done it, so one day I said lets do it together, but she will not find the paperwork so I can organize it. I have asked her to apply for a local service that provides transportation for elderly people for certain errands, but she will not fill it out, I think in part because of shame of not wanting to take an old persons transportation service. She rather would have be come all the time to drive her around. When I bring her to the grocery store, she gets enough for a couple of days. I say get enough for a week but she will not do it.
I get tired of all the work, but more than the actual time and effort, am tired of her dysfunctional personality, the buzzing, the lack of appreciation, the demandingness, etc.
I have tried to set boundaries that she always manipulates (I know my fault, but she manipulates by using guilt). Then I feel doubly guilty as I come on here and see even worse situations people have so I feel I don't have a right to feel bad.
Since I am not working, I would like to bolt the winter for a few weeks, but cannot as my parents are so dependent on me.
Anyway, just ranting and venting I know.