How to deal with negative father?

With my dad with dementia/negativity I have been astounded at how a little activity (especially with the assistance of an "outsider") helps with MOOD, and might save on future physical problems. I'm guessing that physical therapy cannot be prescribed for mood, but improved mood could be a side benefit. Ask your dad's doctors if there could be some home P.T. (possibly covered by Medicare)? Ask if some professional guided activity would help reduce (future) fall risk and another lung collapse? Gentle assisted walking? Chair exercise with a foam swim noodle? Hand exercise with a squishy ball? Maybe they will say that the risk is too great for his lungs, but I personally would still ask. If they say no to PT, but yes to these minor activities, this might give you something "positive" to do with him.

Your dad's PCP can assess for depression. My dad scored high on depression scale and responded well to low dose anti-depression med. It's not just mood, but sleep. It doesn't make them drowsy but when my dad complained he'd wake up with racing thoughts unable to get back to sleep, the doctor explained that the med would help with that as well. And no, this doesn't "change" their personality or prolong their life. My dad is still his same vengeful, negative self, but he is easier to distract, and more able to focus on some positives.

Wouldn't you be negative if your life went to sh*t and you were unable to do much of anything expect waste away?

His feelings of wanting to die are rather understandable problem is we live in a society were the aspect of breathing is enough to want to protect life. Doctors can be dumb, most only care about the quantity of life instead of quality. Many do not even want to toy with the idea of helping a suffering patient end their life with minimal suffering. Often times the patient has to actively do it themselves, which can be a long drawn out process such as forgoing treatment, not taking medication etc...

Your old man is rightfully depressed and most likely wishes for death each and every day but is unable to get what he truly wants because it is not considered socially acceptable.

Visiting Angels

You posted Dad has a Dementia. Depression is part of Dementia.

You may just need to "turn him off". Just go about you chores then kiss him on the cheek and leave. You did not cause his problems and you can't solve them.

Your father is right about feeling negative. His life has turned to crap and he is fed up with the quality of his life. Many people would prefer death rather than to be crippled. It's not crazy, it's reality. Is he depressed? probably, but it's a normal depression about being unable to have an active life.

Two months' restricted duties on doctors' orders, hm?

Get him a wall calendar and start crossing the days off. If it were me, I think I'd probably agree with him that I'd rather be dead than live like this, too - only, happily, that isn't the actual plan. And when he really gets on your nerves, it is fine to tell him to stop whining.

What would he normally want to do or lift that he's not allowed to handle, meanwhile?

Was your father a really happy man when you were growing up and he was well? If so he may be suffering depression. Old age is not for everyone, and he may well wish he wasn't living to see loss upon loss upon loss, until finally the loss of the mind and all we are. One could discuss seeing a doctor, trying medication, but from what you say that would be an exercise in futility.
You really can't change people. You can only change yourself and how you react. If you are going over daily you may want to cut that out a bit. As far as your father being disinterested in anything, that is also unlikely to change, as is his denigration of others.
Were it me I would be helping out very little at all and might consider a weekly visit in which I would stay until the general attitude became onerous, and then I would be out the door. The world is full of negative people. It is also full of positive people.
My first husband was much like your Dad. A life of total misery and now dead for many years. Perhaps he had clinical depression; really I wouldn't know, and in the 60s there wasn't a whole lot of talk about it.
Sorry thtis is a burden on you, but only you can decide how to protect yourself from this gentleman.

When my dad got very down and negative about what all he couldn’t do anymore and being tired of feeling bad all the time, I took him to his doctor. I gave a note for the nurse to pass to the doctor before seeing dad outlining the concerns. Thankfully, the doc handled it beautifully or dad would never have agreed to medication for depression. Dad went on Zoloft, he called it his “attitude medicine” and it did indeed help his attitude. Hope you can do similar for your dad, meanwhile don’t be in the line of fire so much, no one needs to absorb so much negativity

My mother's PCP wrote the prescription for Wellbutrin for her when she was suffering from depression after 2 hospitalizations. She was acting much like your father is, and refusing to leave the apartment; not 'hungry', not wanting to socialize or do anything, just wanting to mope around and be miserable, bringing my father down too. So I called her PCP and told him what was happening, told him I felt she was very depressed; he agreed, and wrote the prescription immediately. After about 2 weeks, she felt a LOT better and things got back to normal around the folks' apartment, fortunately.

I don't think your good mood will rub off on dad at this stage of the game. It sounds like he needs a bit more help in that department. Start with a call to his PCP and go from there. Also, you may want to look into hiring help for dad; you can't be doing EVERYTHING for his household and yours as well; it's too much!

Good luck!

Has your dad been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?

He needs an assessment for depression.