I am struggling with care issues regarding my mother. My mom has always had a very abrasive personality. She had a rough childhood, was in an abusive relationship with my father, and raised me a single parent.
Over the years she and I have had our differences. We do not have a lot in common, and quite honestly being around her for any length of time is exhausting for me. My perception is that my mom has always craved attention, so she courts drama. If the drama does not exist she creates the drama.
In 2013 she was in a car accident. She lives in another state, so I was called at work shortly after the highway patrol found her. Doctors diagnosed her as having a mini stroke. She was also diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having bipolar disorder. I spent two weeks with her after she had the mini stroke and I was subjected to some of the most abusive, bullying behavior I have ever encountered. It was as if I was a 10 year old kid all over again. We had several arguments and I found myself feeling trapped and wanting to get away from her as quickly as I could.
Since that time, I have received calls from her neighbors that she is not doing well. She is forgetful, combative, and insists to everyone that she is fine. I have written her doctor several times, I have also filed cases with APS three times. APS has informed me after each visit that she appears fine. She is clean, can answer questions, and appears to be well. I even called an attorney to find out what else I could be or should be doing. The attorney told me that I cannot really do anything unless she is committed to a nursing home or other care facility as a result of doctor's orders or APS recommendation.
I am ashamed to say this, but I do not like my mom, but I feel obligated to try and help her. It is a lifetime of dealing with her that has left me not wanting to help. I do not want to be sucked into the drama and the verbal abuse. I also feel like her neighbors expect me to do something, but based on the law, I cannot do anything. I have no desire to see her and when I do have to speak with her I feel like I am getting ready to jump of a cliff.
The shame I have for how I feel toward my mom is palpable. I have been seeing a therapist and I am now taking medication to try and control anxiety and panic attacks that I have suffered from since returning from my visit.
My mom raised me as a single parent, she took care of me. I do believe her treatment of me when I was a child was psychically and emotionally abusive. However, she is still my mother. How can I turn my back on her. What is wrong with me that I do not want to help another person in need, especially my own mother.