How to deal with husband's jealousy. He has dementia. Any advice?

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This is the 2nd time in the last 2 years that he has gotten upset. I usually walk a mile for coffee in the morning and have made a nice group of friends. I have taken him there and he has met everybody and they make a lot of him when I bring him in . The first guy was 12 years younger and single he swore he heard me talking on the phone and hanging up when he came in the room. It doesn't help that his picture is in his ad in the Sunday paper so that it stays in his mind. This Sunday we were having coffee with our group and when one of the fellows left and I gave I'm a hug and kiss good by, He is leaving for California and will not be back for a couple of months .He is in his mid 40's and I am 72 ,Husband has decided that I kissed on the mouth. The easiest thing would be to give my morning coffee group .This is the only time I get out of the house and get to feel like a real person. My husband walks with a walker is incontinent and I am never gone for more than an hour and half because of his falling. It is so hard to have someone you love loose their faith in you. We used to have a large social circle and a hug hello or good by was just a part of being social. I did mention to the doctor the last time and she laughed but it is not funny.


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Superman: Don't give up your morning coffee walk. Right now, it's the only thing you've got to grab on to to keep sane! AND isn't the Oxy making him extremely tired? Check on that, please.
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I have a similar problem. As long as I am sitting right in the same room with my husband he is fine. Very normal, calm etc. but every single time I go across town to my sisters who doesn't like him because of past impulsive behaviors due to frontal lobe issues mainly, he acts out in some form or another, falls (never hurt), orders things on line - like 8 harmonicas in the same key!; to chatting up scammers from Nigeria. Once when his Parkinson meds got mixed up he started hallucinating miniature people marching around and accusing me of having an affair with a 20 yr old. I was 61, haha. It wasn't funny at the time though.
I have resorted to limiting my visits w my sister to some degree (but not my time for myself for sanity sake). And for the sake of peace, the times I do go to my sister's I tell him I am at my daughter's which he doesn't mind as much. The stress isn't worth it.
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Supernan, you have done nothing wrong, hugging other people, or in particular, other men. You can get endorphins released, and there is something real called hug therapy. However, out of respect for your husband's sensitivities now, hugging another man won't be good for you or your husband. I agree with Windy, just try not to set him off, but still be yourself. Introduce them to your husband, have them shake his hand. To try to change his reality with the truth will no longer work. Think of it as a compliment, that your husband wants you to himself. Address the other issues as advised on AC, but don't give up socializing, it will save your sanity.
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Superman1, I'm no expert in medications, but I will tell you that years ago, I knew someone who took regular doses of Oxycodone. They were rather young and did not have dementia, YET they had very bizarre behavior, including paranoia and erratic behavior. I would definitely discuss his behavior with his doctor and see if it's the meds or the dementia. Oxy can produce very strange behavior.
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I agree with all above, don't give up your friends but try and avoid stuff that will,set him off like hugging other men etc. He's going to be a handful no matter what but don't load his gun for him.
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Thanks to all . I know that if I stopped going for coffee it would end up being somebody at the condo. I make the center of my world it just hurts thanks for listening. I will bring it up again when I take him back to the doctors , we have been holding back on medications because he is on 13 prescriptions now including oxycodone and I'm worrying about his balance with dementia medicine.
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Oh, I forgot to add that some dementia patients get upset a lot. In fact, depending on the stage, some patients are so agitated, anxious and confused that that they are difficult to manage in the home. They stay upset all the time. I would read a lot about dementia and what types of behavior is normal.

I'm not sure if it would be appropriate now, but I would look into medication options. Many patients obtain relief with medications. Depending on how he progresses, that might be something to consider in the future.
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This is pretty typical behavior for a man with dementia...paranoia, jealosy, controlling attitude, accusations. I am betting he was not that way before.

DO NOT GIVE UP your coffee group. Sounds fun, good socialization, neccessary exercise...keeps you sane...keeps you young! As things progress, you will need your friends! I doesnt matter if you were riding around town with a carload of fraternity boys or having coffee with another woman....he will be jealous when not the complete center of attention.....good luck!
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I certainly wouldn't give up my walks or social activities. That's the last thing that I would do. I think I might make arrangements for someone to stay with husband while I was gone though, since other than the early stage of dementia, it's risky to leave patients alone. And your husband is having delusions about you and other people, so I would take care that he is supervised. He could have delusions about other things too. For his safety, he may need to have someone always around. I would use others to help with this. You need your own time out of the house.

I would read a lot about dementia and how it causes people to think things that are not true. This may help you accept that it's nothing you are doing. It's not his fault. It's the illness, not him. You can't take what he says to you at face value, because it is likely to make no sense. Some dementia patients accuse loved ones of stealing their money, egging their car, trying to kill them, etc. It's not based on reality. So, I would work on accepting his allegations and coming up with responses to him that will calm your husband. You aren't likely to convince him he is wrong. Later on, he may not remember any of this talk,
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