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My husband is certain that people are using his money to buy magazines and taking other money out of his account. He talks about seeing magazines in his name "all over" and he hadn't subscribed to them, as well as money being stolen. I have tried showing him a bank statement and a simple list of our bills, but he is getting very aggressive, wants to call the bank and demand that the money be replaced and ask why they are giving his money away. We have a joint account where all of our money, is direct deposited and then most bills are on autopay. Help!

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How I wish I'd understood Dad's dementia earlier. It just didn't seem that bad to me at the time, and we argued, because he was sure I was taking his money. I had to give him his bank statements over and over again. He would sit and stare at them for long periods. He couldn't understand them, but I didn't get it at the time. So many regrets... At the end, Dad had violent delusions and asked me so much about the police and talking with prosecutors and the trials, etc. I went along with everything, and it seemed to give him comfort.
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My dad didn't have Alzheimer's but he had dementia related to liver failure and he too had paranoid delusions and thought people were after him. At first I tried to explain away his paranoid accusations but it occurred to me that he wasn't able to comprehend logic anymore. I simply told him, when he would begin telling me about his delusions (which were very real to him) that I took care of everything and he had nothing to worry about. I concentrated on reassuring him and supporting him (but not his delusions).

As someone else said, it isn't helpful to contradict someone with dementia, it just makes things worse. Climb into the dementia with him when you talk to him about his fears that someone is stealing his money. Be there with him. Without admitting that he is right, that someone IS stealing from him, compassionately explain to him that you understand that he is upset and frustrated and will he trust you to take care of it? It may not sink in the first time or two but persevere. Continue to tell him that you have taken care of it and there's nothing to worry about.
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Me to my DH, "Honey, the police called that they caught the guys and everything is fixed!!"
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(((((she))))) This is a phase that many with Alz go through. You cannot rationalize with him as his brain is broken, and he cannot deal with logic/reality. Teepa Snow has videos of how to deal with Alz patients. It is better to distract, or tell therapeutic fibs, or go along with him, in the vein of "I understand that you are concerned about our finances, and that is very responsible of you. Perhaps we can call the bank tomorrow after we have gone over the statements again. Would you like some of that special ice cream now.?"" Sometimes people with Alz will forget the next day. Sometimes it might be good to set up a "prearranged" meeting at the bank with someone who is clued in to reassure your hub that these matters are being looked into.

There are others here who can probably respond better. The thing is to enter into his world to a degree. These concerns are very real to him. If you flat out say there is nothing to be concerned about, he won't believe you and will get upset. You may get some help by calling an Alz association too. ((((((hugs)))) This is a very tough journey.
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