
Hi,Being a caregiver can be really tough sometimes, right? Some days it feels like you’re not doing enough or you’re doing something wrong—guilt and burnout sneak in easily. A few things that help me:Take short breaks even a 5–10 minute walk or some deep breathing can really help.Ask for help getting support from family or friends reduces guilt.Keep a simple routine for meds and daily tasks it lowers stress.Share your feelings talking with other caregivers is really comforting.What works for you all? Share the little things that help you stay positive and sane!
Thank you for sharing so openly. I can tell this has been an incredibly hard time for you. You’ve been through something that took so much out of you—and it’s completely understandable to feel disoriented, exhausted, and unsure of what comes next.
I don’t know that I have the kind of advice you’re looking for, because my experience was different. I took care of my husband for a long time too—seven years—and even during the most intense period, I didn’t burn out the way you describe. I didn’t get much sleep, but somehow I didn’t mind the caregiving itself, so I can’t say I’ve been exactly where you are now.
But I can say this: what you did for your parent was an act of love and devotion, and it came at a very high cost. The feelings you’re having—relief, guilt, sadness, exhaustion—they’re all deeply human. There’s no one right way to heal from something like this, and you don’t have to figure it all out at once. Even knowing that your parent is gone now, it may take time for your nervous system, your body, and your mind to feel safe again too.
I wonder if talking to someone—a counselor, a therapist, might help you process what you’ve been through and find a gentler way back to yourself. You’ve had to put your own needs aside for so long, it’s no surprise that it feels strange now to focus on them again.
Please be kind to yourself. You’ve carried so much for so long. It’s okay to feel lost right now. Healing is allowed to take time.
Wishing you peace and rest.
Guilt means you DID something BAD on PURPOSE and with malice aforethought.
Guilt means that after you did this evil thing you purposely refused to do what you could to change things.
Guilt is the wrong word and words matter.
What people using the word guilt in these situations really mean is GRIEF. Grief at standing witness and being helpless to intervene in the vagaries of the aging process.
Guilt is, sorry, off the menu. To feel burned out is of course entirely appropriate when you are in a situation that cannot conceivably be made better over time, and that is literally killing many caregivers.
You're not doing anything wrong, immoral, illegal or unethical. Guilt is for felons and sociopaths. As is often posited on this forum, "You didn't cause old age and you can't fix it." You need to internalize this.
If you are providing hands-on care, devoting (and sacrificing) yourself daily for your SO, then make sure your SO understands how *blessed* they are. Most people never get what your SO is getting.
But if a caregiver has to work that hard to keep their sanity -- and life -- then it is time for a different solution for the care receiver: like a facility.