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I just read a question someone asked about grieving during the holidays and experiencing those firsts after someone you love has passed away. My problem is that I am grieving over the loss of my husband who is suffering from late stage Alzheimer’s and for the first time will not be here with me at home during the season. I see him every day, but all traces of the wonderful man he once was are gone. I dread the season frankly and find myself hiding my true feelings from my children. I have a wonderful family and lots of grandchildren around me, but my heart is so sad. Every first time this year has been so painful....but the holidays which at one time were so wonderful hold little prospect of joy for me now.

I can empathize with you as I get so sad myself & it’s not a husband but my mother...
everywhere I go I think back to the time I was there with my mother & we had fun & good times...& those fun, good times are in the rear view mirror...& now most of the time now she’s soooo abusive...verbally & physically. It’s getting harder & harder to manage her at home without me getting injured...since she refuses her meds or they stopped working. 🤗 hugs
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Reply to CaregiverL
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Are you familiar with Teepa Snow's GEMS Brain Change model? Late stage Alzheimer's is classified as Pearl and like the pearl in the oyster your loved one is hidden from you but occasionally reveals himself. I don't think it will help you with your grief in losing the man you have loved for so long but I found the concept comforting. I have lost loved ones . In my faith tradition, I believe they are not completely gone- only changed and now hidden from my sight. I still grieve their absence but I look for and celebrate any evidence that they are still with me.

I hope someone who is going through the exact same thing will answer you with advice. My advice for grief is don't fight it. When it hits you, ride the wave. Don't hide it. There isn't anything wrong with grieving as long as you don't let it take over your life. Grief is a product of love. It's healthy for your children and grandchildren to see it- even if it makes them uncomfortable. It's healthy. It's normal. And if you don't fight it, it gets easier to bear. Best wishes to you as you get through the next few months.
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Reply to Marcia7321
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Not celebrating Holidays, no big loss. When it comes down to it, it is just another day. Personally, I stopped celebrating Holidays years ago and have been so much happier ever since.
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Reply to shad250
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My brother lives in NC my other one is in the wind but love him. Christmas in my house has been very small since the girls have been gone. Unlike when I grew up. Oldest is an RN so worked Christmas so those with small children could enjoy the day. So, I make Lasagna. That way we could eat whenever daughter got home. Then it was eat and run because daughter was tired. Mom always had my favorite Aunt and anyone who didn't have a place to go. Laughing and fooling around. Miss those dinners.

Enjoy your family. Toast your husband. Set a placesetting, he will be there in spirit.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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So sorry for your sorrow and loss of your husband to Alz. I think it's worse than him passing away. I love my husband so very much. If one day he's not here anymore, my heart will be sick. So, I totally understand your sadness.
(((((Hugs)))))
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Reply to polarbear
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