My Grandmother passed away four months ago. I know this site is designed for those caring for elderly parents/grandparents/other loved ones, but what happens after they pass away? I was never a caregiver for my Grandma even though I did visit her about once a week. My aunt was Grandma’s caregiver and my Grandma gave my aunt hell. Grandma was a feisty woman and when her health started to fail, she really took it out on my aunt but was nice to everybody else. I miss her terribly. I think about her all the time and all the memories I have of her. I was with her and watched her pass away. December 4, 2020. I will never forget that night. I cannot stop thinking about that night. It was a very peaceful passing. She was 103 years old. I think most of my family think “She was 102 years old, just be thankful you got her for that long” and I am thankful I had her that long, and I absolutely cherished her in her later years especially after she turned 100. But of course, I want more time and it is still really painful. Our family just is not the same without her and I hate it. And I have to go the rest of my life without her and I am only 39. One day, I will go through this with my own mother who is not a spring chicken.
Perhaps it might do you good to seek out some grief counseling. I know that groups like Grief Share meet on Zoom weekly now because of Covid, so you might want to look into that as well. I wish you well as you travel through your grief process.
I can state for certain that in time - more than a year - your grief will lessen naturallly. However, if you want to "mine" this life lesson for the gifts it contains, become a stronger woman, and become a support to your other family members, I strongly recommend finding a qualified grief counselor. I personally benefited from a book called "The Grief Recovery Handbook" and their trained counselors, which I first encountered in 1991 when I went through the most enormous grief of my life.
I wish you well. Your grandma must have been a really special lady.