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Me & gran had a great relationship, sadly in December she went into a care home. I'm her next of kin, she told me to empty her bank, pay all bills & buy her everything she needed. Gran passed away 3 weeks ago ☹ & her son is saying any money I took or spent on gran he wants me to return it, but I don't have it as used on gran I paid her care fees & funeral as well

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I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. She was blessed to have such a loving granddaughter. You didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t overstepping in any way. I was the only grandchild in my family that spent time with my grandmother throughout my life. Be proud of yourself for being kind to her. I cherish the memories that I have of my grandmother. She was so very sweet.

I adored my grandmother and I helped her just as you did for yours. I am sure that her love for you means the world to you. You have precious memories of your time together. My grandmother told me often how much she appreciated my love and compassion for her.

As long as you have receipts for your purchases, you should be fine. You weren’t going on a ‘shopping spree’ for unnecessary items. You bought things that she needed.

Wishing you the very best!
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Chacfc Jul 2021
Thankyou so much 💓 yes u are correct she adored me as i did her , myself & her children have sat to chat & they all said same i done nothing wrong i provided all necessary receipts & good for myself care home kept record of everything i handed in & cost of items so turns out they owe me money x
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I feel like part of the issue here is she says she is "next of kin" . And "she told me to empty her bank pay all bills & buy her everything she needed " Was she POA? or listed on the accounts? If she was not, then emptying the accounts could look a bit "off" to others. Is she listed on the will as the sole inheritor? I am also confused about what the carehome staff is saying?
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JoAnn29 Jul 2021
I think by "next of kin" she means she is the only person who helped her Grandmom, who cared.

The Care home staff will verify that she brought Mom clothes, toiletries and snacks. She doesn't have receipts for these things.
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If you have the receipts for big ticket items, that accounts for the majority of the money, then you are not really in a situation.

I would encourage you to make copies and send a letter with the copies telling all of her children that grandma's money was used for her, as verified by the attached copies and that you will not be returning any funds as they were used according to grandma's requests.

Do not just ignore this though. That can cause problems. So, respond with a letter and copies and wait. If they pursue it, you can always counter sue for harassment, pain ans suffering and anything else a good attorney can think of.

I am sorry for your loss and I am sorry that your family wasn't present, yet now have their hands out. It is more common then we can imagine.
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Chacfc Jul 2021
Very helpful .. thankyou i will do that .
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Provide what you can but you don't own this man anything. Who did he think was going to pay for Grands funeral if she didn't have any money. Who did he think was getting Grand what she needed. She was responsible for her own care and you were just her gofer. You did what was asked of you. I don't see where he even thinks you owe anything. It was grands money spent on grand.
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Chacfc Jul 2021
Thankyou , i feel i just tried to help my gran & hes acting like ive wasted his inheritance (his words) but gran needed items was needing more daily with lady problems i thought i actually done ok considering was in care for 8 month with just me visiting she was always cold so bought lots to kp her warm which he says was a waste i feel ive done the correct thing but wasnt sure if i had to give him what i spent on clothing toiletries etc .
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Privide the receipts for the care and items bought, the facility should have asked you for a detailed list of the items brougt in at admission and seek out an attorney to defend yourself if you cannot provide proof that this money was in fact used solely for grandma.

You are not legally her next of kin, her children are if her spouse is dead.
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Chacfc Jul 2021
She has 7 children none of them really bothered with her , she was in hospital & got took to care home with just her pyjamas , ive got receipts for care, her funeral & bills for her house etc but none for clothing as i didnt no as never done this , because of covid i bought & left at carehome the staff there have said they will be saying about everything i took i even took waters juices all toiletries etc my grans attitude was its none of there buisness but now im in a bit of a situation
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