How to deal with family who are spreading rumors about my caregiving?

Quick update... the visit went well. The family was able to share time. I also reached out to distant family and extended invitation to call during set hours. They did not comprehend that my father was unable to make calls or may not recognize the phone ringing. I feel better that these small steps will keep them connected. Ty

You can lead a horse to water..........but you can't make him drink. Right? Print out some info and if the family wants to comprehend the situation, they will. If not, they'll continue on with the denial and point fingers at your care giving instead of the realities of the situation.........nothing you can do about that. There's also nothing you can do about the fact your dad is incontinent........and if he has an accident in front of The Family, then so be it. Hopefully he's wearing incontinence briefs 24/7..........? In any event, family is supposed to be supportive, not judgmental or telling us what we are doing wrong. I so hate that we don't get what we need half the time. My cousin is fond of telling me how much I'll 'miss my mother once she's gone' as if THAT makes ANY sense at all! UGH.

WIshing you the best of luck dealing with all the family dynamics moving forward

You can't make people acknowledge something that they don't want to.

Maybe a video would be used? Try sending a link to a Teepa Snow video on YouTube.

Perhaps if you print out a page with symptoms, you could asterisk the things that affect your father now. That makes it a little bit personal, without being too personal. I hope it all works, & best wishes.

Im glad to hear that. Do not isolate your dad. If your dad can walk, perhaps, it would be fun for him to go to the grocery store with you. I used to take my mom, and I would tell her to hold on to the grocery cart. Ok mom hold on to the Wheel, we are going to "drive" around the store now... Keep your hands on the wheel...
Someone came up to us one time, and said how good I was doing this with her..
If your dad can walk, take hiim for a walk...to library, park, etc.
Hand in there...

If they question,,, just offer for them to spend the day with you and dad.Plan the day, with breakfast.. coffee, some games or social things. Serve llunch, play music, and a bit of 'CONCENTRATION card game...
Do keep him busy.. and by the end of the day, perhaps your guests will have a better idea of what this situation really is.
Have them hold dad, arm in arm, and go with them for a little walk up the street if possible... Keep you eye on dad, you don't want anything to happen to him while in the arms of someone who really hasn't walked in your shoes.
Play his favorite music when they arrive.
Privacy and Integrity ? With ALZ? Never heard of those hand in hand.. I would spell it out for those people in question, lay it on the line, show them... No privacy... Let them see it, let them feel it. let them live it for awhile, AND INVITE THEM BACK SO YOU CAN GET SOME RELAXATION FOR A BIT. WELCOME THEM TO YOUR HOME, AND MAKE IT FUN FOR DAD!!!! Perhaps you can put your head on a pillow for 5 minutes.

It’s true. They don’t understand. They have never walked in your shoes as a caregiver, nor his shoes with ALZ.

What do you mean by protecting his privacy? Can you clarify for us?

Print out a few simple websites, or make copies of simple explanations on a website and give to them. You cannot force them to educate themselves. So if they do just go on with this, then understand that there is very little you can do about ignorance when people refuse help in being educated. Just get on with you day. Give them a sweet smile and go "grey rock" on them.

I think people who have never been a caregiver, even for a day, have no way to really understand how grinding it is on every level. I don't think it's willful denial 99% of the time. I certainly didn't have any idea, and I wanted to understand it. It's like trying to explain what it's like being a parent to someone who has never had and raised their own children. I hear resentment in your post but this is draining to caregivers. Please give the general public (and even those closer to you) the benefit of the doubt. When an opportunity arises, you can gently educate them by asking, "When you hear the word 'Alzheimer's', what do you think of?" and then a productive and respectful conversation can be had. I wish you peace in your heart and the company of understanding people.