So last year I took my mother in and have been caring for her. I went to see her across country and saw what bad shape she was in alone so I moved her here. She's 89 and in total decline. When she first got here last fall she was walking, could fix simple meals, shower, hold a conversation, etc. Now she's bedridden, barely knows who anyone is anymore, needs care like a baby (diapers, bathing, etc.).
It's hard but but the thing I really struggle with is that she abused me my whole life. She was physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive my whole childhood and I spent decades as an adult trying to undo some of the damage she did and trying to live with what I couldn't undo.
We were not on good terms when I took her in; barely kept in touch. But she literally had no one left. . . I'm an only child, adopted at that. All her siblings are dead, my dad is long gone, her nieces & nephews barely speak to her. My two adult kids barely speak to her, they had it with her long ago because she was horrible to them.
My youngest lives with me and he's disabled so I care for him as well, she's stressing him out.
When I took her in she didn't qualify for nursing home care and couldn't afford it. I couldn't leave her to die. Last time we checked with insurance here she didn't qualify for a nursing home but she did qualify for a full-time aide, which has helped (though she doesn't like to let them do things for her and waits for them to leave then asks me, at least there is someone to babysit her 8 hrs per day so I can work and do other things).
Sometimes when she gets mean her health care providers try to explain it's the dementia, for me though when she's mean she sounds more like her old self. It's when she's nice I think the dementia is at its worst.
Anyway, sorry this is so long, but there are times when it feels like old wounds are being ripped open and I wonder why I put up with this, but I don't even think I really have a choice because I just feel like she's my responsibility.
Anyone else going through something similar? How do you cope?