How to deal with anosognosia? My husband thinks he’s fine.

Getting back to your caregiver burnout...get help fast whether or not your husband wants it. At this point, he don’t care if you drop dead before him. Don’t depend on family or “friends.” They won’t show up. He will need a facility very soon. He’ll start falling frequently. He’ll leave stove on & go to sleep...

Don’t wait until there’s an accident & don’t use Covid as an excuse. Don’t go at it alone. Hugs 🤗

Caregiver Burnout is real and awful---I have had it more than once...as DH, his dad, my dad, his mom and my mom have all had great CG needs that seemed to fall either partially or totally on me....one right after another.

I was always OK during the 'crisis' part of most situations, falling to pieces only AFTER everything was 'settled' or 'over'....but I have completely lost that ability in the last year or so, as I went through a cancer battle. I may never have the strength or ability to caregive the way I used to--and since I always felt like that was kind of part of my DNA--it's hard to admit I just CAN'T do what I used to.

2020 has been a learning year, and one thing I learned was to put myself first. If that meant a nap everyday, then I nap. If it means I sleep in a different bedroom b/c DH needs to have the TV on all night so he can sleep...then I leave.

I have now developed heart issues--tachycardia due to stress and sometimes my heart will race for 2-3 hours as I struggle to calm down and get 'over it'.

Luckily, my grands are all past the baby stage, my mother and MIL are probably never going to go back to life as it was prior to covid--my MIL especially has not left her house in almost a year---mother may go back to the Sr Center, but it won't open for months yet.

I was never taught to self-care. It's an important part of my life now. I got the all clear from cancer and COVID hit. Dh was home all the time--glad to kick 2020 to the curb!

However you relax and care for yourself is your choice. I still want to do service type things--but nothing long term and nothing that saps my soul.

Accepting that I don't wake up 'happy', ever, I take mornings slow. I'm spending more time doing things I want to do, after 45 years of doing what I was EXPECTED to do.

I have learned, the hard way, the difference between service and servitude.

Good Luck! We're useless to our families/friends/neighbors if we are stressed and grouchy!

I agree with Studebaker. Start looking for a reputable agency or homecare to come in (or both, as they have!). When introducing a caregiver into the situation, have them come to help you. Don’t force your husband to interact with them. Instead, let them help you with tasks around the house. They can interact more as he grows comfortable with them and finds them useful to him. For example, he might like them getting him a cup of tea instead of you, responding to his questions, and basically giving him attention while you take a relaxing outing or whatever you’d like. He might really like the attention.

Looking ahead, it might be time to inquire into a better long term solution since hiring caregivers can get expensive and Alzheimer’s gets progressively harder.

Sending you hugs. My husband passed away 10 days ago. Try to balance your life. Good luck.

If you're feeling caregiver "burnout", that means that you are not doing enough to take care of yourself. That is the most important thing we, as caregivers must do, but is often neglected or ignored. If you have to hire some outside help to stay with your husband, while you go to lunch or supper with some friends, then do it. You can also just go for a walk in your neighborhood, go shopping, or just sit outside on your patio or porch(weather permitting). These simple things can make a huge difference in how we continue on our caregiving journey.

And yes, there are home health care agencies that are supplying workers despite Covid, so you can just tell your husband that they are there to help you, so you can get some much needed breaks. Wishing you the best.

My situation is exactly like yours. No family nearby and hubby can’t be left alone. I just hired an aide to come for 4 hours once a week which is so therapeutic for me. He’s not thrilled about having a “babysitter” so I try to explain she’s here to do other things and for my peace of mind. She wears a mask and gets tested by the agency. Try to get some respite. It makes a world of difference.

I share your frustration. Example: A close friend with Alzheimer’s had to move and have care . My mother (95) can discuss with me (with seemingly great lucidity) how sad it is to see him repeatedly hide things then think they’ve been stolen, how he’s no longer able to make (carpentry) and repair things, et cetera, but, for her it’s different. She swears she is not hiding her things, they really are being stolen, then, when she’s wise to the thieves, they know it, so they break back in and return her things to different locations in her home. I watch as she hides pieces of her sets of bedding to trick them. A week later she’s storming about, eager to show me the linens drawer with its lone pillow case - definitive proof of theft. I retrieve the other case and sheets from their hiding spots, she fumes and trots out the story again. When I gently suggested her brain may be lying to her like our friend’s, she doubles down that he really has Alzheimer’s but she’s fine and the rest of us had better stop gaslighting her. This has been going on for 2 years. I freely admit to her how I forget and misplace things all the time and that’s ok. Frustrating and even embarrassing, but ok. NO, that is not happening to her. Everyone is mistaken, even lying, about her.

Sorry - I needed to vent.

Your husband has 2 "coping strategies" that creating burn-out for you. Confabulation is "lying," the brain inserts other information to fill in the blanks to cover his memory losses. It is sad that you know what he he forgets and realize his inadequate attempts to be humorous or make sense or "fill in the blank" whenever he talks. This will change and he will probably continue to lose more memories and may even lose the ability to talk altogether. The last one is the brain fixating on a thought process which results in asking the same question over and over and over.... of saying the same thing over and over and over. The best way to stop it is to give the brain something else to focus on: a task or a new topic of conversation, redirection.

As others have mentioned, it seems you need help in caring for your husband. Contact family, friends, members of faith community and home health care agencies to give you some time off daily and longer times weekly. You need to be able to meet your needs: sleep, meals, hygiene, health care, and social interactions/ hobbies... which means some time off from caregiving duties.

I don’t want to sound harsh but
you’re on your own!!!
Nobody is going to help unless they get paid. And you’re right when you say ‘nobody has to tell me he’s getting worse’. Neurologists are ‘diagnose and adios’
you need to decide how much help you want ... I think you could get about 6 to 12 hrs/ week free thru gov’t agencies... so apply for that ASAP .. then look into hiring privately... one thing’s for sure .. he’s not getting better . And neither will you. You need to be well to take care of him.
good luck !!!

You can't fight city hall and you can't fight anosognosia. Your husband isn't in denial of his disease, he actually believes he's fine. No convincing or rationalizing will change his mind. Accept the fact that he feels fine.

If you've taken the burnout quiz, you know what your level is. Whether you scored low or high, it must be addressed. Burnout can begin with being simply annoyed by your LO's behavior. That can escalate to frustration, anger and finally resentment. You need some respite time where you can have break. Call your local Area Agency on Aging, they can offer help.

I am exactly in the same situation. My husband didn/t qualify for Hospice since he is not incontinent but we are getting home health with consists of a nurse coming for about a half hour once a week and a Physical Therapist once a week. He has done ok with these two but when an aide came to assist him with a shower that was WAR!! He refuses to take a shower but I started to move my clothes into another bedroom and told him I would not sleep with him unless he took a shower.
That did it, thank the Lord. I hope it keeps working at lest once a week. He has two daughters, one lives about 48 min. from us and the other 15 min. They are so busy that I have not been able to get them to come, especially to give me a break. I can't do anything without him, can't leave him alone so I feel like a prisoner at times. The only thing that keeps my sanity is my relationship with Jesus, my Lord and Savior. I try to watch Christian TV as much as possible but he is wanting the TV off so we can talk. That means constant repitition. I pray for strength, wisdom and the ability to keep on. He is 82 and I am 84 with type 2 diabetes and neuropathy. My legs get quite weak at times but thank God I am able to continue. I pray Jesus comes soon to take us home.