Thank you Alvadeer and Paspal - very good advice if I ever manage to get POA. The trouble is at the moment my mother hides her bank statements and won't let me see them. The new big concern is that she has cancelled the Direct Debit for her carers' agency and they are asking me for the money: I organised the care and my mother initially agreed to pay. Now she says they are fleecing her (not true) and if I want her to have care then I must pay the bill myself. I will pay the bill outstanding just to keep things straight with the agency, but no way can afford to pay it every month and the agency are asking me if I want to continue or cancel the care both the carers and I know she needs.
I am dealing with this myself and what i do is keep a budget sheet where i list all the bills and expenses and when they were paid. I also have a separate account that i put a little money into and thats his account that he gets to decide what to spend it on. Its "fun money" but he feels like he has control.... and i never question what he does with that money. One time at the grocery store, he wanted a package of each color of bendy straws (he hates straws) and didnt question it and 19.72 of "his" money later we were going home with 11 packages of 100 count bendy straws ... that are on the top shelf of the cupboard. Hope this gives you some help but know others are going thru this along with you and you are not alone
I don't know if this will help, and I certainly didn't do it because my brother questioned me or felt at all paranoid--- he was the one who asked I take over his Trust and was his POA for health and financial his last year-- but do consider this. Get a simple notebook. Every month do an accounting for your Mom, a listing of what she has and where it is, what you paid out in bills, what she took in in Social Security or pension, what have you. This simple list month, divided into "expenditures" and "deposits" my bro kept nearly in his notebook. I always explained anything I wrote a check out for. This became MY record as well as his own. Once our loved ones enter this time they are facing down loss after loss in terms of control, being in charge of their own lives, and they begin to worry about "will my money last". Keep it very simple, but keep it, and that will reassure her. So that for the financial side. As to the loss of control tell her that you can only imagine how difficult it is for a woman who was so in charge of her life to now feel losses and reassure her that her worries are normal.
This simple list month, divided into "expenditures" and "deposits" my bro kept nearly in his notebook. I always explained anything I wrote a check out for. This became MY record as well as his own.
Once our loved ones enter this time they are facing down loss after loss in terms of control, being in charge of their own lives, and they begin to worry about "will my money last". Keep it very simple, but keep it, and that will reassure her. So that for the financial side. As to the loss of control tell her that you can only imagine how difficult it is for a woman who was so in charge of her life to now feel losses and reassure her that her worries are normal.