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She has always been narcissistic, but the moods are getting uncontrollable. One minute she will be civil, I turn around, she's screaming that no one helps her, her granddaughter steals jewelry, tells me (I am a 55 year old Accountant, her sole caregiver) that I am "retarded." It gets uglier everyday. My neighbors think she is a sweet southern belle, she's always been an actress. Her doctors won't give her anxiety meds because she only behaves like this around me. It's to the point where I am afraid to interact with her at all. My other relatives just stay away from her. Ideas?

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Thank you, site members, for sharing and some good advice. I am going to get a "second opinion" and perhaps be clearer about her increasing agitation and temper. I am so grateful to know others are out there dealing with this. Love the agingcare.com community.
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By pass her primary physician. I had to. He never awoke to the reality in which I was living as a caretaker, and based on long term knowledge of her past personality, he had no clue as to Mom's true state. Mom always behaved perfectly at the doctors!

SO, one day, I had enough of his dishonoring of the reality that I was describing. I awoke to the fact that Mom had to be evaluated by a doctor who 1) didn't think he 'knew her' so well, and 2) who dealt specifically with memory issues.

I had a facility already in mind and was able to take her to the doctor connected to that facility for an evaluation. A week later, Mom was able to move into the facility as that specialist diagnosed her with vascular dementia and mid to advanced Alzheimer. Funny, he said to me and my husband that had we waited longer, he would have had to reserve 3 beds instead of one!

He was right! Had I not taken that step, I would have been bald from pulling out my hair constantly from stress!
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As long as her needs are being met, I would reduce contact, and practice detachment. I see she lives in your home which makes that more difficult, As sunny has suggested it might be time to look for an alternative. I am surprised at her doctors. Even if she has always been narcissistic (my mother was too), the paranoia and screaming is part of her disease and need to be treated. I am sorry. I know how hard this is.
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Is her doctor a gerontologist or a neurologist? If not it is time fora change. If so, time for a second opinion, even a different doc.
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Your profile says that your mother has dementia. I'm not sure why her doctors would ignore reports of how she's doing from her caretaker. I would think the doctors understand how that works and that a dementia patient often has mood swings, anxiety, agitation and hard to manage symptoms. I might try to find a doctor who knows more about the condition to try to work with you on her treatment. I might consult with an attorney about the legality of videotaping her behavior. But, to me, a doctor who regularly treats patients with dementia, they don't generally take the word of the patient over the adult child care taker, especially, when their behavior is hindering their care. If it can't get straightened out, I'd explore other options for her care. Plus, I'd get a tough skin. Sometimes, agitation can't be controlled with medication and it's something that may or may not phase out.
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