My mother can barely walk and has been diagnosed with dementia. She believes the doctors are quacks and are wrong and me and my sister are also. She has become mean and very unpleasant to be around. We took her to a nice retirement community to see and she became even more angry and said she is not like those people. Her living conditions are very bad - an extremely filthy house, old food in the refrigerator and the list goes on. If we try to help she acts out with a fake cry and screams at us to get out of her house. We have tried to have conversations with her to see another doctor, consider in home help care, consider retirement living for better quality of life. But she becomes angry and tells us we are meddling in her business. As an example she had five packages of hotdogs in her refrigerator and bought another pack at the store. When we tried to clean the refrigerator we were told to leave the house and she began a fake cry with screaming out. We recently had a snowfall very light and she tried to shovel when the neighbors have already committed to doing this for her. She almost fell and told my sister she was in extreme pain from doing so. She is great at complaining on things but then acts out in this crazy way if anyone suggests any help. At a loss of where to go next. This is very sad for everyone and unsafe for my mother to continue living this way. Any advice is appreciated!

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Thank you both! So sorry that you also have had challenges. And your parents should be happy they have caring children. Sadly it does look like waiting for the next emergency may be an only option for me with my Mother. But I’m going to keep trying to encourage getting the help.
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Careneeds58, oh that sounded like my Mom. And it is almost impossible to change their way of thinking, that we are trying to make a safe environment for them.  We are just the "kid" and what do we know???

Then again, we have to put ourselves in their shoes. Getting older is no fun. They wake up with a lot of aches and pain. They want to keep proving that they are young enough to maintain their house. I remember my Dad shoveling at 94. They no longer can hop into the car to go shopping. Their friends have either moved away or had passed on. They can no longer hear as well, see as well, and food no longer tastes the same.

My Mom also turned up her nose to a retirement community. "Oh, maybe in a couple of years". Say what? Guess that meant when Mom is 100 she might consider it.

What to do in this case? Really there is nothing we can do except wait. Wait for the next medical emergency where 911 is called, the parent goes to the hospital, then into rehab, and probably into Assisted Living or a nursing home.

Three days after my Mom told the caregivers to remove themselves from the premises, Mom had a very serious fall, and lived her remaining months in long-term-care. Oh, if only she wasn't so stubborn. After Mom passed, Dad moved into a retirement community and enjoyed being there, but was very sad that Mom wasn't there to join him. But he knew a team of wild horses wouldn't have budged her from their house.... [sigh].
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I am going through a very similar situation- almost identical down to buying more hot dogs when she already has some.
My mother is 82, my father passed in June. She will not see a doctor at all.
She insists on driving. She gets irate with me when I tell her we need to got to the doctor. It is clear to everyone she has dementia.
I am concerned about insulting her about her hygiene, but I can tell she does not bathe.
She does not want help, but I asked my 21 year-old son to move in with her to make sure she is basically ok. I see her almost daily to take care of her finances and to check on her.
I too am looking for advice on how to proceed with my mother medically. She says the doctors are morons, who just want to tell you you have Alzheimer's. I know this is fear talking, but it is exhausting.
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