My father-in-law (FIL) has always been a narcissist. Not diagnosed but it is pretty clear, and I do mean raging, in your face, clear. My husband and his sister continue to try to please him but now even they are fed up. All of the grands have distanced themselves and don't visit except briefly at holidays.
Several years ago sister-in-law and her husband moved in for a number of reasons, but the long and the short of it is that he has turned it into his very own nursing home at home. SIL is worn out and fed up. They are working on a move out plan. But I'm concerned that because they have lived there and provided care for 2 years already that we need to do things in a certain order. He is not above calling the police if they leave him because he knows he can't stay there alone. They aren't to the move out point yet, but what is the best way to do this?
He isn't going to choose going to a nursing home on his own. He refuses to listen to us about figuring out a plan. He is still competent to make his own choices. To him, everyone in a nursing home is old and he still lives in a world where he doesn't believe he is aging. (86, tons of medical issues, nearly immobile, mostly incontinent - so I think even AL is not enough) He maintains and expects that his children will continue to facilitate so that he can live the way he is accustomed.
So what steps do we need to follow as we move towards them moving out? He can't stay there on his own. But he will refuse to move out. I know we are likely going to have to get APS involved or go to court to execute the POA/guardianship, which we don't want to do because though he makes TERRIBLE choices, they are still his to make and I doubt they would find in our favor anyway. He is a genius when it comes to an audience. He is mean and abusive to family but makes others think he is a sweet old man. Anyone outside of family that questions him or sees his true colors he just cuts out of his life. It is very telling that family is all that he has left and extended family members are dropping like flies because his carefully crafted demeanor slips more these days. Anger is at the surface anytime anyone questions him. So all hell is likely to break loose soon.