Firm boundaries. Decide what you will tolerate, and will not accept, and honor your choices by being consistent. Own your preferences and make no apologies for them. As the caregiver, take charge of the circumstances, with expectations that are clear and non-negotiable. You have the right to manage your environment to the greatest extent possible.
With all of that said, I make two disclaimers as follows: (1) I know less about dementia than I know about PD, which is my husband’s specific issue. (2) I have realized in recent years that our 32+ years of marriage are no guarantee that we will continue with the same degree of intimacy.
After his diagnosis 11 years ago, my romantic feelings declined as my caregiver duties increased. Very gradually at first, and then more hurriedly. Fullness of love remains, although I now feel very little attraction to him, nor much spark of desire. It’s unsettling for both of us, yet to me it seems to be a natural evolution in the nature of our roles. It’s uncharted territory for us, regardless.
This appears to be very common. My mothers conversation always took a sexual turn and it totally repulsed me. LOL I knew it was the dementia talking, but it still made me very uncomfortable hearing how her physical therapist was "putting her into sexual positions."
A coworker of mine said her husband with dementia would not leave her alone. She said she had to wait until he was asleep to get undressed and ready for bed because he was all over her. They have been married for 45 years, but when someone's mind is gone, things change. They are not the same person and you are in caregiving mode with someone who is no longer mentally sound. It is totally understandable that you are no longer sexually interested.
Talk with his doctor because there is medication that can curb his sexual advancements.
I was astounded to see the words "inappropriate sexual behavior" in a post last night. I have been suffering in silence for the last two ad a half years with my husband who is 84 and has vascular dementia.
I am 80 and his sole caretaker with no access to anybody who can give me a break to get away. I have not talked to anybody about this, because frankly I've been ashamed to mention it. I had not even considered that a doctor could prescribe something that would change his behavior. Tomorrow morning I will call his doctor and ask about a magical pill that would make my life easier.
Ugh. I know how difficult this was for you to write. Before my husband (who doesn’t have dementia) became incontinent and sex became unhygienic, he was the same way. And there was no affection, which made it worse. I got to the point I didn’t “cooperate” and just let him sulk. I’d even walk out of the room.
When my mother, the World’s Biggest Prude, suffered with dementia, she talked about nothing but sex. When I left her facility, I wanted to come home and take a shower. I didn’t encourage or participate in her “conversations”. I just went away mentally to a more pleasant place.
It's known as Inappropriate Sexual Behavior *ISB* and is common with dementia, unfortunately. Speak to his doctor right away as there is medication available to curb his appetite. Don't sit still for this.....just because his mind isn't working properly doesn't mean YOU have to deal with this issue!
With all of that said, I make two disclaimers as follows: (1) I know less about dementia than I know about PD, which is my husband’s specific issue. (2) I have realized in recent years that our 32+ years of marriage are no guarantee that we will continue with the same degree of intimacy.
After his diagnosis 11 years ago, my romantic feelings declined as my caregiver duties increased. Very gradually at first, and then more hurriedly. Fullness of love remains, although I now feel very little attraction to him, nor much spark of desire. It’s unsettling for both of us, yet to me it seems to be a natural evolution in the nature of our roles. It’s uncharted territory for us, regardless.
A coworker of mine said her husband with dementia would not leave her alone. She said she had to wait until he was asleep to get undressed and ready for bed because he was all over her. They have been married for 45 years, but when someone's mind is gone, things change. They are not the same person and you are in caregiving mode with someone who is no longer mentally sound. It is totally understandable that you are no longer sexually interested.
Talk with his doctor because there is medication that can curb his sexual advancements.
I am 80 and his sole caretaker with no access to anybody who can give me a break to get away. I have not talked to anybody about this, because frankly I've been ashamed to mention it. I had not even considered that a doctor could prescribe something that would change his behavior. Tomorrow morning I will call his doctor and ask about a magical pill that would make my life easier.
When my mother, the World’s Biggest Prude, suffered with dementia, she talked about nothing but sex. When I left her facility, I wanted to come home and take a shower. I didn’t encourage or participate in her “conversations”. I just went away mentally to a more pleasant place.
Good luck!