He lives with us and has his own small apt. It is still a huge drain on my family. My father is depressed, angry and ALWAYS negative. It is a mental drain. He can still get around but it is very limited these days. He has post polio syndrome and it affects his mobility. I’m just feeling burnt out. I can’t go on a vacation with my boys. We can’t leave him alone due to his paranoia. If he is alone and I try to go do something I come home to a pity party and made to feel guilty about being able to leave the house and have a life. So now I don’t do anything to avoid this grief.

Thank you all for your ideas. It’s comforting to hear others perspectives. I do find comfort in TV and Netflix comedy. Helps to laugh when possible. I will take your comments and digest thoughts and be grateful strangers took the time to help me. Many thanks!
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Reply to joosenewton

I discovered a long time ago that you can't change people, you can only change the way you react to them. I live with someone who can be extremely crabby and moody. I understand how horrible it is to live with that. Walking on eggshells is not fun.

I am thinking of taking up meditation. Learn how to put myself in a protective bubble mentally. I think that's all we as people can do. Try to not engage in his negative conversations. I find people like that run out of steam eventually if they don't have a willing audience.
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Reply to Gershun

Is there any background information on why he is so angry? I’ve been depressed before. Not just regular but kinda ongoing. I’m better now. But while I was depressed I wasn’t really angry. Just blah, sleepy and no interest in life. But I don’t think I was angry.

Would he want to. Or able to go to senior centers during the day. I don’t know what’s available for seniors. But maybe he needs to be around other seniors. Maybe they can help with transport of someone w limited walking

As far as his paranoia I’m not sure. Is it crazy paranoia or just being crabby cause “someone took my wallet, you musta took it? “
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Reply to wally003

Sounds as if this has been his life-long pattern.  Focus to something else.  Easy way is a documentary or content TV program...YOUR interest and hope he gets interested in something besides himself.
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Reply to GoodEnough

I agree with Pepsee. I would say go on vacation. Sounds like it may do you and your father some good. Everyone needs a break and time away from all of the struggles at home. Having his own apartment just confirms that he will be fine on his own for a little while and it may actually do some good.

I would also suggest not to have him convince you to let him go on vacation with you and your boys. Not saying he will but it seems likely he might suggest that. Although that may seem like an enticing compromise, I feel it would defeat the purpose. Best of luck.
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Reply to Caregiverology

Hi Joosen,
He's trained you well. If he can be left alone safely, then go out. If he starts his whining when you return, ask him to go to his own apt.

Is he on any depression meds.? Talk to his Dr maybe? Or find him a geriatric psychiatrist.

Good luck.
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Reply to Pepsee