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Hello everyone. I need your advice!
I really can not understand her attitude. She complains, complains and complains. She asks for help and then decides that it is not for her. My mother is losing her memory. The specialists did not want to say the word Alzheimer's clearly, although for me that goes around like my grandmother whom I help take care of. I looked for help for her and she was attending cognitive therapy but she decided to leave she did not like having to get up early and go to the public hospital, she had to do the exercises at home and she did not like to do them as the therapist indicated and she had tried abandon the therapy and the third time I accepted. I got her to see my grandmother's psychiatrist specializing in this type of problem because she wanted something more radical with the problem of memory and the first thing she does is not follow the instructions. A few months ago she decided not to see the nephrologist because she did not like him despite being the first time she saw him. Of course in other circumstances I would agree with her and try to find another nephrologist, but I live in Venezuela, my country has many types of problems: political, hyperinflation, it is not possible to find many medicines and the public health system is terrible. How is it possible that she is wasting those opportunities and how can I deal with her attitude?

You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. You just cannot. Your mother does not want your help. It sounds like she doesn’t want anyone’s help. Stop trying.

If you live in the same house with her, get out. If you don’t have a job, getting out may involve finding someone else, like home health care, to care for Grandma, while you get a job and work to pay your rent.

As long as you are in constant contact with your mother, things will not change. She will not change. There’s nothing you can do about it but make your own life.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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dariana Apr 21, 2019
I believe you're right, but it's hard to think that she does not want help especially when I can see how her mental faculties are diminishing and there are things she can not handle on her own...I think I'll start looking for psychological help because the day she left cognitive therapy I cried. Thanks for your advice.
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I had somewhat similar issues with my mom in India. She also doesn't want to see the geriatric specialist every month to deal with her dementia. She kept insisting she was fine and didn't any attendant etc but I kept hearing the opposite from her neighbors. I hired 2 attendants and mom was v angry the first few days and now she's used to them - the grumbling is less and I know she's safe.

If you ensure that mom's safe and you could get some respite care for yourself, I'd say you have done your best. Do something nice for yourself daily so that you have strength to deal with her attitude day after day after day....
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Reply to wren9184
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dariana Apr 21, 2019
Good idea. Thanks
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It's great that you want to help her and are trying, but, I'd keep in mind that with dementia, the brain may not be able to process certain things. The help may not be something that she can accept. I'd try not to take it personally. Resistance to care is one trait of dementia. Sometimes, it's just about keeping them safe and protected. Eventually, that becomes harder until it's around the clock supervision. As my LO progressed, she completely forgot that she had any medical conditions, so seeing doctors seemed like a waster of time to her.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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