How to deal with 2nd wife's volatile behavior? Father has low vision, no short term memory and is frail. He's had falls and broken bones.

hugs!!
courage!!

i’ve heard very similar stories.

the wife sounds abusive.
i don’t think it’s dementia/urinary infection.

it sounds like that’s her personality.

unfortunately, some people do exactly that: screaming at whatever you say.

the father has no short-term memory? that’s very sad. dementia, yes?

try to protect your father.
if he has no short-term memory, he’s not responsible for his actions. he’s saying/doing things (“go away”) - but try to think what’s best for him.

if you were him, what would you want? how would you want to be cared for?

allowing the State to take over...i think should be avoided if possible. you as a family member will probably make much kinder/wiser decisions than the State.

if the State decides, you don’t decide at all which facility your father goes to, etc.
...everything will be decided by the State.

i really hope you can find good solutions!!

If it was my dad, I would be calling the law to do a welfare check and contacting Adult Protective Services to report two vulnerable seniors at risk from self neglect and possibly domestic violence from the wife. She sounds batchit crazy and you need to protect your dad from her, he obviously can't.

He obviously needs more care than what anyone's able to give him. She is probably displaying signs of dementia or a UTI. Is anyone his PoA or legal guardian? If so, this person needs to start researching facilities where he can go to be protected and cared for. At this point it is not about what he wants, it's about what he needs -- in his own best interests. If the wife is not his PoA it doesn't matter what she wants, either. They both need help but can no longer reason through their problems.

If no one has the legal ability to make decisions for your dad, you will need to contact APS and report them as vulnerable adults. When it gets bad enough the county will move for guardianship of the both of them (assuming she has no PoA, either). This may take some time. Then the county will place them in a facility where they will receive care and the guardian will manage all their affairs.

Have they been married very long? Does she have children from a prior marriage? If so, they should be contacted and informed of her condition and what's happening to the 2 of them.