This past Easter our family was invited to my sister’s for a gathering. My daughter and her 11 yr old son attended too. My sister and her daughter thought it would be nice to present all the kids that attended with a handmade Easter basket with goodies. They completely left my 11 yr old grandson out. When my grandson (being just a kid) asked my sister why he did not get anything, she immediately went off the deep end and turned herself into the victim. After it was time to leave, she pretended to be nice and we said our goodbyes. She did not call or text me for a whole week, despite my unanswered texts. When she did call me after a week, she blew up and told me she felt she was being bullied. I was shocked to say the least… but the conversation kept on going where she eventually said she was sorry for not including my grandchild with a basket or any other type of goodie. But she kept saying nasty things about him.. which I was feeling my blood starting to boil. But it started to get late, so we said goodnight and I followed up with a telephone call a couple days later because I could not just leave it that. I felt I needed her to know how much she had hurt my feelings about my grandson, well this just took it to another level, because I never made her understand that she hurt my feelings. So with that, she told me she was done and never wanted me to call her again. So it’s been going on four months without speaking, and just a few days ago, she blocked me on social media. So it’s over and I am trying to cope with it. We were very close sisters and it feels like I’m going through a death in the family. It’s just very sad and I’m always thinking about it… like could’ve, should’ve…
And seriously - I think those of you saying an 11 year old should have zipped his lip and graciously accepted being excluded are delusional. There are many ways the child could have been buffered from this but seemingly nobody felt any need to make the effort at all, there is no way this wasn't a deliberate slam.
I really don't know how you are going to mend this because I think your sister needs to apologize. She flew off the handle blaming you for something you had no control over. I don't think your grandson was asking for a present he was just wondering why he wasn't included. I have been in his shoes and its embarrassing to be left out and I was an adult. And the person knew I was bringing my Mom and would be staying. Everyone down to the 1 yr old child got something but me. I even got a sympathetic look from the MIL. Like she couldn't believe my SIL didn't give me something.
None of this is because you did anything wrong. You didn't.
If your sister accidently overlooked one of the kids for an Easter basket, she certainly could have covered the mistake instead of making him feel bad in front of everyone.
Like giving him a $20 bill or something and telling him he gets the special gift. Some people can't think on their feet fast like that though. She was probably super embarrassed to have forgotten one kid and rather than apologizing sincerely for the mistake, turned her embarrassment into anger and projected it onto you.
Once again, not your fault.
If she refuses to take your calls and blocked you on social media, write her a good, old-fashioned letter.
Get some paper and a pen and write down exactly what you think and feel then explain how much she hurt your feelings. Stick a stamp on it and put it in the mailbox. Then wait. If she contacts you at some point and probably will, then great.
If she doesn't then wish her no ill and put it out of your mind.
So sorry this has brought a wedge between u and sister. Maybe give it time and things will work out.
My daughter always makes xtra just in case a child shows up that she forgot or someone just brought along.
I personally happen to think that 11 is quite old enough to know that it's very bad manners to ask for a present. Of course he might have wondered why he hadn't been included, but you don't march up to your hostess and demand to know the reason.
"She turned herself into the victim, she pretended to be nice, she kept saying nasty things..." - throughout your post, you make your sister the villain of the piece. I don't see that you've given much thought to *why* she reacted as she did to the Easter basket incident.
So. Why?
You're absolutely right about 11 being old enough to know good manners and that you don't just go up to the hostess and demand an explanation for why you don't get a gift.
This had to have been super embarrassing for the sister to get called out like that by a kid in front of everyone, so she got angry. Then turned the anger on her sister who didn't do anything wrong.
Or, I tell you what, there are a few threads on here that you could post your question in. Threads to post on, On my mind, My whine moment today, what’s yours? and another is called General Topics. Do a search for them. People post on all sorts of topics there.
I hope the situation with your sister improves and your relationship can be restored. Maybe you can write a letter to her. Be as loving as you can, expressing how much that your relationship with her means to you. Best wishes to you.