When I try to talk to my wife about Independent or Assisted living she equates them to a nursing home, and will not discuss the features and benefits of what's available for us going forward.
How old are both of you. How are you doing mentally and physically?
I will tell you what I would personally do. I would simply say "Well, we are closing in on the time when we have to make some changes to protect ourselves. And I am going to be looking now at places first of all to see what they are like, what amenities they offer, and etc. And when I think I need to be there for my own safety I will be moving. I hope you will come with me because I love you and want you with me. But the truth is that at some point I won't have a choice. And I want to be as ready as I can. Hope you will come along, Darlin. Will give us something fun to explore. Will give us something new to discuss. But know that beginning of the year I'm going, whether you want to or not, to explore places. Think about it. You are always welcome."
About Me I'll be 80 years old next summer and would like as much information as possible with regard to Sr. Independent and Assistant Living! I am a Navy Veteran, and my wife is 79 year old.
Its unreasonable for your wife to equate independent living to a nursing home when you'd have your own apartment! Unless she is suffering from dementia and that's a different kettle of fish. I'd suggest Assisted Living if that's the case, so care is available at all times.
In any event, set up appointments to visit a few places and let your wife have a say in which one she prefers. Maintaining a house is too much at your age, so the move is not open for discussion.
Up top of this page is a section called Find Care, click on it and fill out the information so that someone from A Place For Mom can contact you about senior living options in your area.
Do some tours of them, especially the independent living ones that can be quite fancy. Some will allow you to have lunch there as part of the tour - if she likes the lunch and amenities she may change her mind. Would you plan to move in there at the same time as her?
Does your wife have dementia or some sort of cognitive impairment? If that's the case, you won't be able to "convince" her of anything. You would need to say "honey, this is what the plan is" and put it into action.
If she's just one of those people who is stuck in her own way of thinking, take her to lunch at one of the ALs you have in mind.
Is your W one of the people who think that going to a facility is “going there to die”? If so, perhaps you could ask her if she wants to leave a NH until she really is ‘NH material’, or would she prefer to have some fun first – fewer responsibilities and more fun?
If she is fully stuck in the ‘going there to die’ mindset, you could point out to her that we all want to die in our sleep in our own beds, but it doesn’t often happen. What sort of care she is expecting to be available for her at the end – and in the lead-up to it? Isn’t it good idea to check out all the options well in advance – particularly the enjoyable options?
Either take her on some virtual tours of the facilities you're thinking about or set up in person appointments to go visit where she can see for herself just how nice some of them can be.
Is this for the two of you or just her? If it is for both of you, I would ask her to join you in looking at the facilities that you are interested in living.
Goggle assisted living and independent living in your area.
Ask others in your community which ones they like and take some tours. Many will invite you to have lunch at the facility.
Do you happen to have any friends or family that live in a senior apartment? I think that’s how my mom got the idea, she was visiting a friend and thought it seemed like something she’d enjoy.
You’re very wise to be considering your options and being proactive on this. Many here will envy your attitude. Arrange for visits at places that might interest you and when you’re ready to go, invite your wife along. It is true that many offer a complimentary lunch visit. Hopefully she will take the bait of an outing to visit. Sometimes less talk and more going help. I wish you both well
There are some that will do short term month to month rental, and even come furnished. You could work with that option if you find one. Tell her you can go for a 1 month "trial run". something like that. Some people have made up "therapeutic lies". eg "we need to get some work done on the house and move out for 1 month, lets go here for 1 month.....
How are you doing mentally and physically?
I will tell you what I would personally do. I would simply say "Well, we are closing in on the time when we have to make some changes to protect ourselves. And I am going to be looking now at places first of all to see what they are like, what amenities they offer, and etc. And when I think I need to be there for my own safety I will be moving. I hope you will come with me because I love you and want you with me. But the truth is that at some point I won't have a choice. And I want to be as ready as I can.
Hope you will come along, Darlin. Will give us something fun to explore. Will give us something new to discuss. But know that beginning of the year I'm going, whether you want to or not, to explore places. Think about it. You are always welcome."
And that is precisely what I would do.
About Me
I'll be 80 years old next summer and would like as much information as possible with regard to Sr. Independent and Assistant Living! I am a Navy Veteran, and my wife is 79 year old.
Its unreasonable for your wife to equate independent living to a nursing home when you'd have your own apartment! Unless she is suffering from dementia and that's a different kettle of fish. I'd suggest Assisted Living if that's the case, so care is available at all times.
In any event, set up appointments to visit a few places and let your wife have a say in which one she prefers. Maintaining a house is too much at your age, so the move is not open for discussion.
Up top of this page is a section called Find Care, click on it and fill out the information so that someone from A Place For Mom can contact you about senior living options in your area.
Would you plan to move in there at the same time as her?
If she's just one of those people who is stuck in her own way of thinking, take her to lunch at one of the ALs you have in mind.
If she is fully stuck in the ‘going there to die’ mindset, you could point out to her that we all want to die in our sleep in our own beds, but it doesn’t often happen. What sort of care she is expecting to be available for her at the end – and in the lead-up to it? Isn’t it good idea to check out all the options well in advance – particularly the enjoyable options?
Goggle assisted living and independent living in your area.
Ask others in your community which ones they like and take some tours.
Many will invite you to have lunch at the facility.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Some people have made up "therapeutic lies". eg "we need to get some work done on the house and move out for 1 month, lets go here for 1 month.....
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