My mom (88) had a stroke 8 months ago. She has all her physical abilities back but has lingering cognitive issues. My dad (90) has been the main caregiver with daily help the first 4 months. Now it’s him. I don’t live that close and still work so I can only go by once a week. whenever my mom has an episode of forgetfulness or is in a bad mood my dad can’t handle it and says he is not the one to help. So I arranged for an agency to come in and evaluate the situation so we could get some help. But before the came any mom snapped out of her mood they told me they were busy and changed their mind about help. This has happened twice now. I have at least gotten them to the point where they are going to speak with a therapist because my dad gets angry and yells at my mom and then she tunes out and they don’t speak for a day or 2. I am now completely stressed out and dont know where to turn or what else to do. I am seeing them today and having my dad sign the paperwork for the therapist. Any suggestions on how else to deal with his would be so helpful!
You really cannot convince other people to do as you wish or as you think best for them.
The point at which you can intervene is when things are dangerous. APS can be called to evaluate and intervene legally, but here you are talking diagnosis, POA, and all those good things.
I would stop interfering. This is something that will come to what we call "the call" from either hospital, neighbor, coroner, that you WILL be able to deal with.
For now you really have no power. Save your strength for when you do. Good luck!
I am guessing if it is m om then dad goes along since it is "her" house.
I am 70+ and I do not think I could be a full time caregiver for someone. My guess is dad has a bit of burnout.
If you are doing ANYTHING to help them out you have to stop. If you are helping they are going to continue to rely on you and not "outside" help.
Would it help if their doctor "prescribed" a caregiver? that way the order is coming from a medical professional and my carry more weight than you saying they need help.
You might also tell them that if they do not have help and something happens to either on of them they may have to transition to Assisted Living rather than living at home.
Are you POA for them? If the need arose is this a decision you could make? If they are not safe at home without help AL might be the only safe alternative.