Family, doctors, and social workers agree mom with dementia should no longer live on own. Mom refuses to accept dementia diagnosis, although has cognitive issues and having hallucinations. Mom continues to insist not ready to leave home. Unfortunately bringing aide into home to assist is not an option. Therapeutic lie we’ve tried version of this to get her to tour assisted living facility, didn’t go well. Desparately needing advice.

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I do have POA, her medical team said it becomes active once I find a placement and they complete their paperwork saying she should be under care.
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Then, I would move forward. I am now putting my step mother in memory care, it has to be done, she is in stage 4, this is being done for her own safety and well-being, She is not happy, but, she really does not understand that she is no longer safe on her own.
If you all are as a group identifying the fact that she is unsafe in her present living situation, you must now kindly and lovingly remove her from the dangerous situation she is in to the safety and security of a place where her needs will be met appropriately.

Mom does not have the option of refusing, and allowing her to convince you that she does, is not a loving or thoughtful reaction for you who are caring for her to have.

Coaxing, postponing the inevitable, deal making, all of these are unfair to her. Whatever the reasons for those responsible for her welfare, the outcome will either be that she injures herself, or worse, or injures someone else.

It is a choice we have all had to make, some of us more than once, in the most loving and caring way possible. Make it now, or be aware that there will be no easier outcome later.

She will be livid, she will insult you and scream and cry, but she will be safe and cared for.
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Kitty19 Jun 2019
Thanks for your response, I needed to hear this! I’m trying to not let guilt of upsetting her get to me. Right now she sees me as trying to take over her life, I know it’s the disease, but it still stings.
Seeing her in an environment of care and safety is my main goal.
Do you have her POA? If so, based on the doctors recommendations, which you will have to get in writing, you can evoke the POA and place her in a home. She can insist all she wants but this is for her safety and well-being.
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