How do I control my emotions when a loved one is close to death?

When mom was in the last hours of her time on this earth...my self and two of my sisters were there. We never left her side...if one of us needed a little breathing room...we would walk out into the hall. But one of us stayed to be there with her. Its a hard agonizing process...and I totally know where you are coming from. But there is one thing the Hospice nurse told us. When the time comes...if they ( the loved one) sense that you are sad...they will hold on longer. If she is dying...you need to release her. Tell her you will be okay..that she needs to go when the time is right. I know it's a hard one to express...and even harder to do when you are upset. But take in a deep breath and pray for strength. When mom kept asking me what was wrong? I kept saying to her nothing but...I love her and I will be okay. Another thing the nurses told us...as we watch the dying process, they are not in pain. The ones who are in the most pain are the individuals watching her. I truly believe it. My mom was at peace..no pain. We were the ones who were more upset. Because lets face it...its painful to watch. I'm so sorry for your sadness. God Bless you and your wife.

I'm so sorry you're going through this boren. Your heart must be breaking. Personally, I don't see why crying in front of your wife is a bad thing. You're showing her raw emotion. I'd much rather see a spouse show they care than to never shed a tear.
I'm facing these emotions with my sister-in-law who has terminal cancer. We've known each other almost 50 years. The thought of losing her is tearing me up. I take her appointments, treatments and just spend afternoons visiting with her. We cry together, she talks about dying, I tell her I will miss her. We go to the grocery store and act crazy like we did in high school, if shes having a good day. There is no subject she and I can't discuss. I told her I'd always be honest with her and she told me she was thankful for that. So if I have to cry I just tell her I will go get the tissues and we let the tears flow. I'm the only one in the family who teats her this way and she loves it. Raw emotions are fine with her.
I will keep you and your wife in my thoughts.

What a sad situation. My heart goes out to you. One idea, that apparently the Japanese use, and I tried it once and it worked for me. Force your face into a smile - a big smile. That seems to dry up the tears and calm the emotions. It sounds crazy, but give it a try. Also, consider an antidepressant. You don't want to stop feeling, but to reduce it a little. I like both Prozac and Zoloft, but people vary a lot.

boer, I would just show what I feel and not try to put on a false front. If she needs you to buck up, I'm sure she'll let you know. There is no shame or weakness in crying. Sometimes trying to hold back the tears makes them come in an inconsolable flood. If your wife needs you to be strong, tell her you are strong behind your tears.