I am the only (55 yr old) child to a former television singer/model mother with clinically diagnosed NPD. We have never had a good relationship: she is manipulative and chilly and is motivated only by need and want, and money of which there is none left. After a catastrophic fall two years ago, I managed to get her on to traditional Medicare (she was on managed Medicare because she didn't want to carry the card; people would know how old she was) and community Medicaid, which pays for a twice a week caregiver. I pay for her supplemental insurance, her cable/phone/tv, her cell phone, and pretty much everything else except for her stabilized rent (paid for by social security) and a credit card bill. While she was in rehab for the fall, we discovered that she has been hoarding makeup: we found a thousand dollars worth of unused lipstick in her bathroom. She has been so aggressive with me, as always, that my spouse finally put her foot down and said "You have to limit your exposure to her," which I have. My boundaries have been fairly solid, and try as she might to push them, I don't give.
She recently had a dental emergency which her dentist in NYC wanted to fix for $60k. We brought her up to a local dentist near where I live who is doing it for a fraction of that. She recently picked a massive fight with me and then called to say "How do you think it feels that I have to have my child pay for my teeth?" To which I said "What makes you think that I'm paying for your teeth?" She said "You owe me because your father was a pig to me." (My father and I were very close.)
In coming to where I live for dental work, she now has to stay here overnight here.
How do I survive this?