I am the only (55 yr old) child to a former television singer/model mother with clinically diagnosed NPD. We have never had a good relationship: she is manipulative and chilly and is motivated only by need and want, and money of which there is none left. After a catastrophic fall two years ago, I managed to get her on to traditional Medicare (she was on managed Medicare because she didn't want to carry the card; people would know how old she was) and community Medicaid, which pays for a twice a week caregiver. I pay for her supplemental insurance, her cable/phone/tv, her cell phone, and pretty much everything else except for her stabilized rent (paid for by social security) and a credit card bill. While she was in rehab for the fall, we discovered that she has been hoarding makeup: we found a thousand dollars worth of unused lipstick in her bathroom. She has been so aggressive with me, as always, that my spouse finally put her foot down and said "You have to limit your exposure to her," which I have. My boundaries have been fairly solid, and try as she might to push them, I don't give.

She recently had a dental emergency which her dentist in NYC wanted to fix for $60k. We brought her up to a local dentist near where I live who is doing it for a fraction of that. She recently picked a massive fight with me and then called to say "How do you think it feels that I have to have my child pay for my teeth?" To which I said "What makes you think that I'm paying for your teeth?" She said "You owe me because your father was a pig to me." (My father and I were very close.)

In coming to where I live for dental work, she now has to stay here overnight here.

How do I survive this?

Codependently Yours,

with thanks

Find Care & Housing
Im glad your spouse sticks up for you☺. Make it a short stay, cuz your mom will be trouble. Try to be unemotional, if possible, when she tries to bait you. They love to manipulate & feel powerful. Go online & read about "grey rock" technique for dealing with NPD. Good luck, & let us know how it goes. ✌
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Reply to Tiger55

Please note, this thread was started in Oct. Surprised no one piccked up on it earlier.

60k! Just get her false teeth, cheaper.
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Reply to JoAnn29

If the problem is coping with the overnight, could you and your husband go to a hotel for the night and get a caregiver stay overnight at your place? If the problem is her spending, it would be good to know what you have already tried (besides doing a major face warpaint with the lipstick). If you need support for the boundaries that you are sticking to, from the sound of the lady you are fully justified and you are doing a great job. So is your husband, for backing you up and not leaving the decisions all up to you. Well done!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

Besides NPD are you dealing with any other age related issues such as dementia?
Is there a POA in place?
Do you have a joint bank account?
It's there a way to monitor what money she is spending?

Would she go see a counselor with you?
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Reply to Rabanette

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