This is going to be a multi-faceted answer. It's great if your parent lives near you or even in the same city or state. But what happens when they do not? And they're stubborn, demanding to live alone, have an assortment of illnesses, have turned down senior apartment living, et al? The daughter has to leave her home (who was myself, Llamalover47) and move in with their mother 500 miles away from their own home to provide care for her.
CCRC, I feel, are a blessing if you can afford them. They have been for us. My in-laws were placed first in IL (which was short lived), however, having been in the community we were in, it was an easy transition to AL. Not only does our have IL, AL, Memory Care but we have Skilled Nursing Facility as well which is a blessing should either one need it. Look at the "big picture", not just at the one snapshot you are dealing with. What will you be dealing with down the road? In our facility, we also have the benevolent fund, meaning if all their assets are utilized they will never be asked to leave for lack of funds. We know that memory care is in our future , they are in AL now. So if we had not been in an CC community we would be "moving" them a total of 3 times. Moving parents with dementia a total of 3 times can be terrifying, exhausting, emotional, for all. We feel good about the community where they are. We still take them to their doctors appointments. We receive communication from the facility regarding anything about them (nursing staff or social worker) on a regular basis. They have all documents ready when I take them to the doctors appointments and they have forms for me to have filled out by physicians and brought back so that there no miscommunication on what the doctor has diagnosed and wants ordered. So it has lifted another burden from us. As a side note, while at IL, I did meet a senior lady who for health reasons moved to an AL apartment in the community for a short time -12 months and then moved back to her IL apartment after she regained her health status. You obviously could not do that at facilities outside these communities.
Hi Tina. I'm curious--where is the facility with IL, AL, Memory Care and Skilled Nursing? Most seem to have two or three of the four but not all four. Thanks!
If you visit several places you will see differences which will help you decide. It's your life, so go with your heart and what makes you happy. My mother chose one community over the other based (in part) on its swimming pool.
Some independent living facilities let you transition as your needs change. The one my mother is in goes from independent living( meals and house cleaning provided) to assisted ( personal care added) to memory care. That could be all you need. Where relatives who might need to help you live is much easier. Even in an assisted living eventually someone is going to have to go with you to doctor appointments etc. It’s difficult to drive a few hours for a planned appointment much less an emergency
Personal opinion here.. I would opt for Continuous Care so that there would be little disruption if/when I needed more care or even in the event of an illness that even though I recover I would need a bit more help for a while.
Close to relatives...or where you love living... How well do you get along with relatives? Do you make friends easily? Are there relatives that it would bother you if you never saw them again? If so and family is important then you opt for staying near family. If you have an established friends network and you do not make friends easily how will you feel about loosing that network? Do you love living where you are now? if so why? is it activities? close to the "action"? Can you find the same activities where you would move to?
About the only way you could really sort this out is the old fashioned way...A piece of paper, 2 columns the PRO side and the CON side. The really important stuff,,the will not change stuff write in red or high light so you know you will not compromise on those items. All the rest you can wiggle a bit.
One last though..how long your money will last where you are and how long will it last if you were to move to Wisconsin. What are the tax ramifications? (Pension may not be taxed where you are now, a move to another state that may tax your pension.) Is this in the red on your list of pro and con or is this a compromise item?
Congratulations on thinking ahead and making plans that many don't/won't or can't. Much better to choose what you want, when you want rather than to be forced into something when a crisis develops. I will be interested in your decision and how you made it.
Hi we struggled with mum trying to let her live as independently for as long as possible but it became evident she was no longer safe after collapsing and being on the floor overnight. Ended up so dehydrated her kidneys were failing. It was during last year's heat wave. Her falls alarm did not go off and she didn't press wrist band alarm!!!You will know when time is right for her to move into care or in our case twenty four hour nursing care. We looked at homes within ten mile radius and went with one which wasn't too big, had permanent not agency staff, mum likes familiarity and where the staff seemed kind knowledgeable and caring. This has proved correct and we are happy with our choice. Mum moans about it but we know she is getting the best possible care and within distance we can all visit her every week. Hope this helps. Go with your gut feeling on everything.
I can't tell you how warmly I applaud your thinking, first of all! How very sensible to consider all the factors when it comes to planning your next steps.
It's a bit simplistic, but for me the obvious advantage of continuous care is that it avoids major disruption when and if your needs change significantly, and I do think that is an extremely important advantage. But it must depend to some extent on the quality of the facility you have in mind; and on that point do look ahead to succession planning. Suppose you reasonably expect to be here for ten or more years: it is almost certain that there will be a change of leadership in that time, and the best organisations will have an eye to that. Leadership is everything: it sets the tone for everyone living and working within a community.
Close to relatives... There are pros and cons, and it must depend on the real truth of how important these people are to you and what kind of involvement you would like and expect to have with them. If the relatives are your children and you have a good relationship with them, they score highly on your pros and cons sheet for all sorts of reasons; but if the truth is that you love the people but honestly have never much felt the lack of them... not so much weight, then.
What certainly would be a mistake is to move to a new location in order to see more of them, and then discover that living two miles or two thousand miles away makes no difference - you still don't see them from one month to the next.
I would love to hear more about your plans as they develop, and wish you every luck with finding your new ideal home.
Best option is to look for a facility that has all levels of care in one complex. The closer to family, the better. As my parents began to fail, I needed to be there more and more. The last 5 months, I was at their assisted living minimally 4 times a day and often another couple of times during the night when they had to go to memory care. ( They did everything together from the beginning to the end, so it was double the work that I put in for my in-laws.) I found a couple of wonderful ladies that helped me considerably in addition to this. This gave me time to sit and chat with them, go over photo albums, take them for rides to their childhood homes, and former work sites which seemed to help their memories a bit.
I’m not sure why there are no details to this question when I view it, just the heading. But from my own experience we moved my dad 300 miles to my city from where he was originally living in a continuing care facility in his home town. At that point he was still driving and in IL. He realized he should have moved closer to one of his daughters and so we moved him to my city. He is in a CC facility and began in IL, 2years later AL, and then 2 years later LTC. I’m so glad we made that decision as he could transfer easily. He is in a place that is under the Methodist church...the place in Kansas was under the Presbyterian church. Both of these places have a benevolent fund...so if the resident runs out of money, they will pick up the tab until death to include the deposit he put down and of course his SSI and pension. That is a blessing to me. Also I can’t even imagine having to manage all that I have with him 300 miles away. But it can be done if that’s what you decide to do. My dad doesn’t miss living where he always lived...he’s happier being close to family. He adapted quite well I thought.
JoanBlank, if your love one is still able to do things for him/herself then find a facility that has Independent Living, Assisted Living, and Assisted Living/Memory Care all in the same complex. That way, when the love one needs to move to the next level of care, they don't need to start out as the new kid on the block.
As to the location. I would think finding a place where the love one lives would be better for him/her, thus when watching the local news the same news anchors are speaking, area names are familiar, etc. The newspaper is the same local paper they loved to read, etc.
Ask the facility if the facility offers an option where they help out with personal item needs, there will be a cost. No different than a resident who has no relatives or children to help out.
If the love one is familiar where a family member lives, has been there 100's of time, then moving that love one closer to family would be nice for both the love one and the family to easily visit.
The biggest thing, can the love one budget for this type of facility? Or would Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] need to come in to help with the cost? With Medicaid, there would be a different set of requirements.
Independent living is not for people who need care. I think you need an an Assisted living. I would say near family because ALs don't do everything. You are still responsible for your personal needs. Like Depends, toiletries, food for your mini kitchen if you want snacks.
She's a role model for us all!
Where relatives who might need to help you live is much easier. Even in an assisted living eventually someone is going to have to go with you to doctor appointments etc. It’s difficult to drive a few hours for a planned appointment much less an emergency
I would opt for Continuous Care so that there would be little disruption if/when I needed more care or even in the event of an illness that even though I recover I would need a bit more help for a while.
Close to relatives...or where you love living...
How well do you get along with relatives?
Do you make friends easily?
Are there relatives that it would bother you if you never saw them again? If so and family is important then you opt for staying near family.
If you have an established friends network and you do not make friends easily how will you feel about loosing that network?
Do you love living where you are now? if so why? is it activities? close to the "action"? Can you find the same activities where you would move to?
About the only way you could really sort this out is the old fashioned way...A piece of paper, 2 columns the PRO side and the CON side. The really important stuff,,the will not change stuff write in red or high light so you know you will not compromise on those items. All the rest you can wiggle a bit.
One last though..how long your money will last where you are and how long will it last if you were to move to Wisconsin. What are the tax ramifications? (Pension may not be taxed where you are now, a move to another state that may tax your pension.) Is this in the red on your list of pro and con or is this a compromise item?
Congratulations on thinking ahead and making plans that many don't/won't or can't. Much better to choose what you want, when you want rather than to be forced into something when a crisis develops.
I will be interested in your decision and how you made it.
I can't tell you how warmly I applaud your thinking, first of all! How very sensible to consider all the factors when it comes to planning your next steps.
It's a bit simplistic, but for me the obvious advantage of continuous care is that it avoids major disruption when and if your needs change significantly, and I do think that is an extremely important advantage. But it must depend to some extent on the quality of the facility you have in mind; and on that point do look ahead to succession planning. Suppose you reasonably expect to be here for ten or more years: it is almost certain that there will be a change of leadership in that time, and the best organisations will have an eye to that. Leadership is everything: it sets the tone for everyone living and working within a community.
Close to relatives... There are pros and cons, and it must depend on the real truth of how important these people are to you and what kind of involvement you would like and expect to have with them. If the relatives are your children and you have a good relationship with them, they score highly on your pros and cons sheet for all sorts of reasons; but if the truth is that you love the people but honestly have never much felt the lack of them... not so much weight, then.
What certainly would be a mistake is to move to a new location in order to see more of them, and then discover that living two miles or two thousand miles away makes no difference - you still don't see them from one month to the next.
I would love to hear more about your plans as they develop, and wish you every luck with finding your new ideal home.
As to the location. I would think finding a place where the love one lives would be better for him/her, thus when watching the local news the same news anchors are speaking, area names are familiar, etc. The newspaper is the same local paper they loved to read, etc.
Ask the facility if the facility offers an option where they help out with personal item needs, there will be a cost. No different than a resident who has no relatives or children to help out.
If the love one is familiar where a family member lives, has been there 100's of time, then moving that love one closer to family would be nice for both the love one and the family to easily visit.
The biggest thing, can the love one budget for this type of facility? Or would Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] need to come in to help with the cost? With Medicaid, there would be a different set of requirements.