She is in MC being cared for and safe. You only need to do the bare minimum. Do you have POA? Your responsibility there is to make sure her money lasts as long as possible then its Medicaid staying in the MC if they except it or transferring to LTC. You do have to provide her toiletries and clothing. You can just drop them off. You can visit when u want and only stay 15 min. She has no conception of time.
Those abused should never care for the abuser. You can forgive her because seems all she knew was abuse and carried it on. But forgiveness doesn't mean u forget. Does not mean you trust. Doesn't mean you have to have a relationship.
Agree with all of this . I limited my visits and at one point went no contact at all including phone for 6 weeks because of my mother’s behaviors . But you don’t have to visit or call at all .
i would like to expand on the “ drop off “ clothing etc.
I would drop things off for the staff to bring to Mom’s room , however there was a time my mother used to like to sit in the chair closest to the lobby to watch people come and go . So she would see me and start berating me.
So I asked the facility if I could call from the parking lot and they send a staff member outside to my car to take the items from me . They said of course . It worked out well .
The place now to address you adult issues as a child who was abused is with a good cognitive therapist.
To my mind, you do not owe your abuser anything that you do not WISH to give her. She is in care. That is a good thing. You cannot change her past or your own. But you are a grownup. And now you are responsible to make the best life for yourself you can, in order that this not be passed forward generationally.
I am so sorry for the pain of your past. The best thing a parent can give a child is love and self esteem, in my personal opinion. Sadly, your parent was too limited to do that. My heart goes out to you. Get yourself the help you deserve.
This is a common struggle for those in these situations. Often caregiving... does bring this front and center. I sincerely think the best thing to do is find a good therapist for you. And visiting Mom is on your terms IF you visit at all, how often if you do visit, and for how long per visit and when. What ever you are comfortable with. And don't promise to Mom specific days etc. You may want to keep that vague so you can go when you are up to it. Again that's if you visit at all. You can always call the facility for information about Mom without visiting, assuming you are POA.
Those abused should never care for the abuser. You can forgive her because seems all she knew was abuse and carried it on. But forgiveness doesn't mean u forget. Does not mean you trust. Doesn't mean you have to have a relationship.
But you don’t have to visit or call at all .
i would like to expand on the “ drop off “ clothing etc.
I would drop things off for the staff to bring to Mom’s room , however there was a time my mother used to like to sit in the chair closest to the lobby to watch people come and go . So she would see me and start berating me.
So I asked the facility if I could call from the parking lot and they send a staff member outside to my car to take the items from me . They said of course . It worked out well .
To my mind, you do not owe your abuser anything that you do not WISH to give her. She is in care. That is a good thing. You cannot change her past or your own. But you are a grownup. And now you are responsible to make the best life for yourself you can, in order that this not be passed forward generationally.
I am so sorry for the pain of your past. The best thing a parent can give a child is love and self esteem, in my personal opinion. Sadly, your parent was too limited to do that. My heart goes out to you. Get yourself the help you deserve.
Let the MC staff care for her. Don’t associate yourself with abusers.
Often caregiving... does bring this front and center.
I sincerely think the best thing to do is find a good therapist for you.
And visiting Mom is on your terms IF you visit at all,
how often if you do visit, and for how long per visit and when. What ever you are comfortable with. And don't promise to Mom specific days etc. You may want to keep that vague so you can go when you are up to it. Again that's if you visit at all. You can always call the facility for information about Mom without visiting, assuming you are POA.