How to break the news about death of pet?

I have had to put down beloved pets and I cried like a baby. Perhaps you and your mother can cry over Sophie's passing together? How far gone is your mother? Does she have moments of clarity where she can share in your grief? Read your mother the poem Rainbow Bridge? Give her a picture of Sophie and you? I would be honest with her at least this once.

Exactly what I was going to ask - how advanced is your mother's dementia?

Unless you're confident that your mother can cope with this loss - bearing in mind that at the moment you can't possibly be in any fit state to support her, can you? - I should delay the news by saying that Sophie is at the vet/dog hairdresser/resting at home with a sore paw.

I'm sorry to ask this so soon, but will you be thinking of getting another dog? I'm sure that you don't WANT another dog, you want Sophie; and I wouldn't even ask, except that another dog will be the best way of distracting your mother's attention.

But listen - don't worry. If the fact is that you can't help bursting into tears when your mother asks after Sophie, and you do end up telling her, that's okay too. Your mother's also entitled to be sad.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs from one bereaved (not recently) dog owner to another.

Gently. With tears. Mom is already well acquainted with loss. Will she mourn and grieve? Yes. She certainly will. Is Sophie not worth her tears? I lost my two elder girls one after the other 5 years ago. I am down to one dog and she is 16, and I know the day draws closer. I will foster for rescue after that, and in fact we have a foster now. They are our innocent accepting joyful ones. Worth your tears. Worth her tears.
Please tell her, and tell her how much Sophie always loved her. Cry with her. Take her a framed picture or a small picture book of Sophie, or sit and make one with her, a scrapbook she can keep of better times.
Hugs to you. Those of us who love our pets know what this is for you and for Mom. Huge hugs coming your way. Remember, tears wash the despair and pain out. They cleanse like the rain. Allow them to help you heal.

I love the Rainbow Bridge. My daughter sent me a book on animals death that was written for a child...very beautiful. Maybe I will take it with me and share it with her. I think I will give her a photo of Sophie and my husband who passed away 2 years ago. He and my mother used to sit and talk on the phone for hours after my father passed away and she thought of him as a son.

How good is your mum cognitively? It may be a case of deciding what would cause her least distress - for instance if she forgets everything between your visits there would be no point telling her the dog died because she would be upset and you would have to upset her again every time you saw her. You know what she remembers so really you have to make the decision on whether you say she died or something like she isn't with you as at vet for vaccinations or something.

EASE into it by Telling Mom Sophie is very sick right now. Mom is not Dumb, Hun, And she my even Gather what comes Next....

I am sorry you lost Sophie. It doesn't sound like your mother has dementia or a condition that would prevent her from thinking about Sophie if she didn't see her. I'd just tell her: "Mom, I have some really sad news...."

My mother has dementia and for a few visits she talked about her two pugs as if they were still alive (they've been dead for 40 years). She asked me how they were, if I were taking good care of them and if I could bring them to visit. I was always positive "they're fine" and "I'll see about bringing them...they don't like to ride in the car." Eventually she quit talking about them...and I don't bring them up. I have no idea how saying, "Mom, the pugs have been gone since I was in junior high school" would affect her, so I just went along. I thought about bringing in a picture of them, but again, I don't know if it would give her comfort or agitate her.

Don't say anything until she brings it up - if she does tell her Sophie is unwell so is staying home for a while - if she continues to ask then say Sophie is not improving as much as you hoped & she may be near the end - then finally tell her Sophie died but this way you prepare her gently for the result

I see a few choices here and only you can know what is best for your situation. The first being to gently prepare her and then let her guide you as to when or if she is ever ready to really face it. So maybe wait for her to ask about Sophie and then tell her Sophie isn't feeling well so you left her home. If mom continues to ask how Sophie is doing you might next tell her your taking her to the vet and then that she isn't doing so well, each time Mom asks the answer can get more serious or closer to Sophie passing, I'm thinking Mom will either keep asking until she expects and is ready to hear Sophie has passed or she will stop asking because her brain is protecting her from having to confront her passing out loud.

The other option is to gently tell her what has happened so that you both have each other to lean on and share this difficult time with. The picture idea would be perfect in this case and if it would be helpful for either of you maybe even a small memorial of sorts together or celebration of Sophie's life.

Keep in mind what you need here too, having mom to talk to and share this grieving with might be beneficial to you or it might be easier for you to grieve alone and not have to share with mom...then again maybe being able to shift the focus on getting mom through this blow is what YOU need, don't loose sight of your needs here I'm sure mom would agree with me on this.

I would just tell Mom that Sophie is unable to make the trip anymore.

Well not to sound insensitive but elderly people have experienced lots of loss in their lives and usually handel it pretty well sure she will mourn but I would just tell her...

Your profile indicates Alz/dementia. Since she is in a NH, assumption is she is beyond early stages. I personally wouldn't tell her that Sophie is gone. Excuses work - Oh she was sleeping, I didn't want to disturb her, your excuse about going to the dentist first, etc would be less disturbing to mom.

A stuffed dog, especially if you can find one that resembles Sophie somewhat, would probably be a good idea! You could tell her Sophie picked it out for her, for those times she can't make the trip!

Our mother has never really been a pet "person." She tolerated us having a dog, often told me when I have lost a cat to not get anymore, etc. Funny that at some point she found a picture of a little white dog and tore it out of the magazine, saying she was going to ask my YB to get her one! The poor thing would either starve to death and/or do all its business in her MC room, as she can't even remember to water her plants! I got the ones she had looking so good, and she has now killed 3 geraniums - poinsettia is hanging on...

She is also now fixated on her parents (mostly mother) and often asks how they are, what are they doing on X holiday, do I see them often... There is NO way I am going to subject her to being told she/they is/are long dead every time the subject comes up. She will NOT remember and will have to go through anger and grief over and over. Bad enough they have this condition, why make them upset?

I think the hardest part for you is if/when mom brings up Sophie - you will have a hard time not getting emotional! At least I would have trouble with that! If you do get emotional, just tell her that Sophie wasn't doing well and it upset you, but she's "better" now... Why upset your mother every time as well?

Sorry for Sophie's passing... It always will hurt, but it will get better with time. Just remember all the good times! I have been trying to prepare myself for a long time now regarding my now 20.5 yo kitty, but it will still be hard - she's been with me since May 1999.... multiple issues, but still going... equivalent age makes her older than mom (who is 96) now!! And I believe she (kitty) also has dementia...

I have my mom's three pets, and I give her an update each and every time that they go to the vet.  That way she knows how they are doing health wise.  Also, I remind her that they, too, are getting old, and they, too, will die eventually.  That said, I would tell her truthfully what happened to Sophie.  She will understand although she will grieve for her as well.  If you decide to replace Sophie, I would include your mom along with the decision, and the ride, and I would hope that you would consider adopting from a shelter and not a breeder.  There are millions of animals that are destroyed daily that are healthy.  All they need is a home and love and care from someone who will love them and take care of them and make them a family member.

mom took it very hard when her pets died. They were her other children. It was sad, the last one broke her heart. They were so much a part of her last 10 years, it broke my heart to get her to understand.

I have a picture of my dogs, her dog and our friends dogs all lined up in a row, sleeping on my living room floor. I gave that to our vet as they took care of all these animals... 7 dogs on a lazy afternoon enjoying the day. It was so cute. From a lil terrier mix, Dalmatian, and then good ole big loving labradors. All in a row, napping in that photo.. Now they are all in Heaven, hopefully lazing around like they were after a good day of happy romping around in heavens backyard. :)

Why bring sadness into her life by telling her of the dog's passing? Don't tell her.

If the dog is not hers and not around her 24/7, then don't mention it if she doesn't bring it up. I don't know, it's hard either way. Good luck.

Thanks for this question and the answers. We lost our dog six weeks ago and I have yet to tell my husband, who is in later stage dementia and lives in a nearby assisted living. I keep coming close letting it slip, but I don’t think he’s picked up on it. I don’t know how much it would bother him at this point, if he could even understand (he’s non verbal), but just in case, I’ve decided it’s kinder not to tell him.

Wow. I just went through that yesterday. Putting my cat down. She had cancer, I had no idea... I don't know how I'll break it to mom . I'm still mourning the loss... I woke up this morning, I almost forgot she isn't here anymore .