My Mom is in an assisted living currently, and has middle stages of Alzheimer’s. I put her in a safe AL, as I work a lot and am frequently out of town. No siblings or relatives to help.

Mom’s money is running out (she has no idea how much the assisted living is costing her). She still thinks she can live on her own, which she cannot. (Fell a few times, refuses to bathe, etc).

So within the next 6 months I will have to put her on Medicaid, which will completely change her world and way of life and will be very difficult for her, especially with her Alzheimer’s. She is not at all a social person so she only talks and vents to me.

She currently has her own room w microwave and small fridge. I’ve tried to keep her life stable and unchanging up to this point.

Medicaid will mean sharing a room with other women in a nursing home.

How do I best prepare her for what will be a most difficult transition?

I have racked myself with guilt over the money, praying I’m doing the right thing and being a good steward with her money and making good decisions as her POA.

She doesn’t at all understand that she has Alzheimer’s, even though it’s been proven thru all the tests and MRIs.

I feel so alone in this, has anyone else had to deal with this same situation of switching to Medicaid and moving a parent to a Medicaid facility?

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Thank you for the replies and advice.
Her current AL does have a MC, but does not take Medicaid.
And In my state, I have to find what’s called an ICP Medicaid facility for her to qualify.
being that she’s so antisocial, I worry about her happiness and keeping her world status quo, even though it makes my life tougher sometimes.
i like the part about telling her the place is being renovated. Maybe that will be the way to go with her when the time comes.
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anonymous912123 Jul 2019
You are doing the best you can, don't worry so much about her status quo, life itself has it's ups and downs, you are not powerful enough to make her happy this is an inside job. Actually some do much better with a roommate, as they have company and adjust well. You are worrying about things that may never happen. Be positive, negativity is counter productive.
Have you looked into Memory Care facilities? In my state, they are not in nursing homes, but, are considered Assisted Living facilities. I moved my LO to memory care from a regular AL when her needs required more care. It was the best thing that I did for her. She benefited from the extra care and support. As your mother progresses, she'll need additional care too. I'd try to explore Memory Care units to see if she would qualify for one. You might check with an attorney who can answer your questions about how Medicaid applies to Memory Care. States vary on their rules and options. In my state, the state has a program called Special Assistance that is similar to a Medicaid program that covers costs for Memory Care for those who qualify financially and are in need, according to their doctor. A written assessment, signed by doctor or some other health care professional is needed to confirm their need for assistance with daily activities, due to dementia.

Regardless of where she relocates, I wouldn't be too worried about her sharing a room. Over the years, I discovered that with people dementia, including my LO, don't seem to view personal space or privacy, the same way that we might. In fact, my LO LOVED having a roommate. It brought her comfort and company. But, most of the time, the residents are not even in their room. They are in the activity room, dining room, secure patio, tv room, etc. Not to be negative, but, she may not even realize that she has a roommate. I also wouldn't worry over her being social. In MC, many people are not able to speak. The staff are trained to work with them and make them feel comfortable. It's an accepting environment, based on what I have seen.

I hope things work out well for you. It sounds like you are giving lots of thought.
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Does the facility where she is currently have a Memory Care in the same building?
Since she has been self pay for a while they may well let her stay.
Talk to the Social Worker and find out.
If she can stay start "visits" to the Memory Care portion of the facility. She can get to know the staff and get to know her way around.
Then tell her that her apartment needs to be cleaned and painted and that she will have to move to another room. At that point you can transfer her to the Memory Care.
When she asks when she can go back to her "home" tell her that she will when the work is done.
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