How to balance caregiving with home life and stop the resentment I feel?

Definitely set boundaries - even then it's almost like a battle to find some time to yourself. But make sure you do or you will get more and more angry, and resentful and it will show up in your health. I've had my 92 year old mother with me for a total of 20 years off/on. Recently she's lived with me for 2 1/2 years. During that time she could be hell on wheels even though I'm doing everything I can for her. She's driven away other family members and now I feel almost all alone in all of this. She is finally acting nicer because I think she realizes I'm it!

We finally had a big blow up and I told her she didn't care about me - just what I could do for her. She's taken over my t.v. - so I bought another one and put it in my room. When she starts to get ornery - I leave. Call a friend, go for a walk, etc.

She is finally starting to get better and be nicer. She even bragged about me to one of her friends - that I do everything for her. I literally almost fell over! I'm trying to be patient but I'm single, work full-time and at almost 60 am no spring chicken. I have lots of friends, interests and hobbies and refuse to completely give up my life to her. Sometimes I feel exhausted - I then go to my room and close the door and sleep on the weekends. Take care of yourself and at least once a week do something just for you. Mani/ped - wine tasting, movie/lunch with friends, etc.

I know I've suffered shingles and eczema - which I've never had before. And heart palpitations - all signs of stress. That's when I know I need to put myself first.

Do not feel guilty. Your feelings are real and legitimate. You do not owe anyone a detailed explanation of why you can't perform some of the care duties. You have to draw the line and when you can't do something they will just have to help you out. Of course they are always going to say your reasons are not acceptable, they don't want to do it themselves.
I drove myself crazy trying to fulfill every wish my elderly mother had. I finally realized I could not do it all and had to start combining errands, asking for assistance and letting some things just wait.

Great tip there Moecam re blocks of time. Not "I have a haircut 10am Tues" (room for errands squeezed before & after). "Tues morning I'm busy" instead. Nice big blocks carved out for you.

Both my folks gave 1 day a week for their aging widowed Mums, then stepped up to 2 arvos later - all appointments, shopping, picks ups to fit into that. Each sib that lived close enough & opted in did same so they managed ok for years without resentment (it appeared). When 2+ days per sib were reached the move to AL was decided upon.

My Mum remembers this & yet she thinks it reasonable to ask me to not go to work because she wants something done that day! I just laugh & ask "do you want your grandchildren to starve?"

I think after being ill & being around so much in the recovery time some people get emeshed together. Detaching & setting boundaries again is the next step. Don't feel guilty about any resentment! That's the signal to start the detaching process.

You step back a bit, other sibs step up a bit. Do it now before they get used to you being 'the carer'.

Best of luck.

Set Boundaries ! Drop the guilt. Limits how much you are willing to do for her. Be specific and firm. ie “I’ll come over Tuesday and Friday from 9-12 to help you with x, y, and z.” Or whatever YOU chose. Barring unexpected emergencies. If she needs more help (in form of time/attn/errands/rides) than you can give, she must get it elsewhere. Will your other siblings pitch in ? Or friends, relatives ? Get others involved, the more the better. How about local senior services ? They can help with rides, housework, errands, and the like. Depending on her financial situation she may have to pay a reasonable fee for this help, but it’s well worth it. Feeling resentful shows that you are already overextended.
Also prioritize; YOU FIRST, then your dgt, then your mom. Stop being at mom’s beck and call. It’ll only worsen in time. If it feels like she is being intrusive, she probably is. As for other family judging you, NO ! Stop. That is way out of line ! Unless they want to (a)take over or (b)help out, they are in no place to judge you.
I struggle with similar issues; resentment is frighteningly common among caregivers, espec among adult children caring for aging parents. If you read Topics, Forum, etc. here on AgingCare.com you’ll find many articles with tips for reducing stress and burden, as well as alternative resources. I think it comes down to self care and priorities. Stop trying to please others at your own expense, or it could cause you to loose that which you hold most dear. This from a people pleaser who is also learning this painful lesson. Hang in there Barbarabee123. Your worth is NOT determined by anyone else. It’s intrinsic!