My mom suffers from dementia, and at times has delusions and goes on and on about things that in no way happened. For example yesterday it was someone is threatening her and eveyone in the family. Meaning to kill us I guess. I tried to console her to no avail. No sense arguing with her. That won't work. Tried time after time to change the subject only to revert right back to it. I know it's scary for her, but it really wears me down. I'm dreading going to see her today, and it's getting that way more and more.

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Thank you everyone for your responses. I so appreciate any input!

Shadowchild, I loved your ideas.I think I'll try that the next time. Maybe if she thinks I'm concerned it will help, because the other day she accused me of not taking her seriously, and not caring. I wasn't sure how to act like I took her seriously, knowing it wasn't real.

Lastofseven...... I've tried your ideas so many times, and all she does is give me negative responses. I'm always bringing her things I think she'll like, but it helps for abotu 2 minutes. It's very hard to make her happy.

I try to change the topics and focus on something else, but she just goes back to what she's thinking about.

Jinx4740 I agree with you. She's on Hospice and they know wht's going on. I know some of it is the dementia, some the meds, some from a chronic UTI. It's just hard sometimes even though you know what's causing it, but not knowing how to react.

Thanks everyone for listening to me vent.
Helpful Answer (1)

I think Shadowchild is correct about addressing her concerns as if they were true, without going overboard. Ask her what she thinks you should do to keep you all safe.

Also, be sure to tell her doctor about her delusions. Is she on too much medication, or too little? Ask your pharmacist to review everything she is taking. Could an anti-anxiety, antidepressant or antipsychotic help? Many people on this site report big improvements with drugs like that. We don't want our loved ones to be drugged-out zombies, but it's just as bad for them to be afraid all the time.
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I'd interrupt her concerns by offering her something she likes, maybe a cupcake, cookies and a glass of milk perhaps? Have something she can watch on tv that she enjoys, or put on some of her favorite music from the past. A small bouquet of flowers in a glass vase filled with water to place in an area of the home she frequents most might be helpful. How about bringing her a floral arrangement on those days you're having trouble facing her? Just change the conversation and /or atmosphetre, anything that would distract her from her irrational thoughts would be good. Never entertain her irrational concerns, never, you'll only reinforce them.

Hope that helps, it sure works for me when I go through the motions caring for mum.

I wish for you the best under your circumstances, I deal with it on a daily basis, I know EXACTLY what you're feeling.

For your own sanity, and you've likely read this several times over, but I can't emphasize enough how much better I feel after taking a 1/2-3/4 hour walk around the neighborhood in the quiet late evening, you'll see, think and hear things you otherwise wouldn't have had you stayed indoors. Each night I come home from my time out, I return with much less wait on my shoulders than I had before... amazing treatment!

- out here
Helpful Answer (1)

I learned to treat my father's delusions with some semblance of belief. I don't want to sound patronizing about our parents who struggle with dementia, but they are like the children we often were and their delusions have a sense of reality for them. As a result, I actually wrote down the details, made suggestions as to what WE could do for solving the problem, and gave my father at least one way to feel safer. For example, I often brought a friend back with me the next day to check the house for safety. He suggested placing a few dollar breakable figurines at each window, so Dad could hear if someone came in . The thing I learned was to bring a feeling of safety. I talked to the local police who were kind enough to knock on the door and tell Dad they would drive by more often. Fear is paralyzing to anyone of any age.
Best wishes ... Rebecca
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