How to afford in-home care?

I read your past posts. Are you still cleaning up the bathroom messes?

Is your MIL still a fall risk because she doesn't consistently use her walker? (That was the case back in 2020.) If she falls, will you be blamed?

When will enough be enough? What will it take for your H to agree to put her in a facility? It seems like it's the case that H works while you are MIL's fulltime caregiver? Is that what is happening?

Your MIL might qualify for hospice. My aunt with Parkinson’s and Lewy Body dementia was on hospice for 3 or 4 years before passing. Medicare pays for it and will include baths. Call a hospice organization in your area or ask her doctor to send them out to assess her condition.

Gifting has to stop it there is ever a hope.of qualifying for Medicaid.

Visit your local Agency on Aging and social services to see if MIL qualifies for in home care covered by Medicaid. If not, or if there isn't a program in your area, you need to start planning to place her in a facility covered under LTC Medicaid. Be careful if you are handling the finances, I responded to a poster earlier today who had APS called on her. Make sure you are handling the money appropriately, and if a nurse or someone else suspects neglect, they may call APS on you. Her money should be paid for any in home care, and if she doesn't have enough, you need to apply her for LTC Medicaid. Make sure you are not using her money for your own expenses.

You should consult with an elder law/estate planning attorney and/or a Medicaid Planner for your state. Your MIL may qualify for Medicaid and LTC. An in-home assessment by social services for your county may lead to some in-home services and maybe one of them might be help with hygiene. But she has to financially qualify for this as well.

Other than this, there are no other options for "free" care on an ongoing bases that I'm aware of. The money she has saved is to be used for her care, including assets like her home and investments. If she doesn't have many financial resources, then I point you back to Medicaid. FYI the way you manage her funds has an impact on her ability to qualify for Medicaid, which has a 5-yr look-back period on the application (some states are 2.5 years). Transactions that appear to be "gifting" would be problematic. Do not make any assumptions -- this is why you need to talk to a professional for your state (because Medicaid is run differently in each state).

Would you expect people to come fix your toilet for free? Doing hands on is something most people are even less likely to volunteer for. Call your county, but in most cases they don’t have the resources to spare on family that has moved in with someone already. Usually part of that is to preserve inheritance.

Im not saying that in itself is bad but you are the ones in charge of her money. If she doesn’t have money or if all the money in the world wouldn’t get her to
bathe, then it is time to get her to a higher level of care, which will be far better if she pays. Your ethical choices are to invest in doing that so you can keep the inheritance, or sell the house and leave if it’s no longer possible.