My husband is signed up to go to a care facility in three weeks. How should I tell him about the coming move?

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has Lewy Body dementia He needs assistance with walking, toileting and dressing. He does not speak much. I don't want to make him anxious ahead of time, but don't want to spring the move on him. He has visited the facility for a program and lunch but does not know it is where we are planning to move him. He is 88 and has no other medical problems.

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My husband had LBD. For things he would forward to I told in way in advance. Part of the fun of going on a trip was telling others where he was going. But for things that might upset him I'd tell him only the day before.

He was able to stay at home the entire 10 years. I never promised him that, though, and he knew that many people with LBD did have to go to a care center eventually. I told him that I would never, ever abandon him. I would always be his advocate, always look out for his best interests, always spend lots of time with him -- even if he had to go to a care center some day.

I understand that some care centers advise the caregiver to not visit for a certain period, such as 2 weeks. OMG. I would never have agreed to that!
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I would also talk to the staff of the AL. They do this all the time and usually know how to welcome the resident and put them at ease. My cousin's apprehension was reduced greatly by the way the admissions rep spoke with her. She was very friendly and asked for her input in very clever ways. For example, she asked her if there was any reason that she could not come to the dining room for her meals. My cousin was quick to say, no, she could walk to the dining room. She also asked her what types of food she liked such as eggs, bacon, cereal, etc. So she gave my cousin a chance to give her input and make decisions. It made her feel better about the place.
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When my husband (he also had LBD) went into respite care the second time, I chose not to tell him until a couple days prior. He too would get very anxious and fixated. Perhaps you can wait until a day or so before, inform him something had come up (a trip with a friend, you need to flea bomb the house and he can't stay, or even the truth, you and he need a respite...etc) that requires he needs to stay at the facility for a while. Just don't give a time frame. Let him know he had been there before and had a nice time even if he doesn't remember.
I would also suggest not doing ANY packing in his presence. Move items discretely to another part of the house for packing. This will lessen his anxiety also. I learned that the hard way.
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I have discovered with my mother that to tell her of any impending appointments or changes in her routine too far in advance only causes her to obsess and get worked up so I try not to tell her any sooner than I have to. I'd tell him as close to the move as you feel comfortable with to make it as less stressful as possible.
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It's a personal choice, but I would consider if the information will be useful or hurtful.

Right before my cousin went into AL, I told her a couple of days in advance, hoping she would have time to adjust, but, if fact, it wasn't helpful. At that time, she did have enough memory to recall the plan, but it scared her and she asked repeated questions about it. Over and over. She grew very anxious. She worried and fretted and the day of the move she said she was too sick to go and wouldn't get out of bed. I had to really inspire her to get up and dressed and to the AL. Once there, she settled in, but it was touch and go there. In retrospect, I would of have gotten her dressed that morning, told her about it in a matter of fact and positive way and then gotten her in the car with a small bag, with no time for anxiety and worry. But, each person is different.
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Island, I would not make this a major point of discussion. Does he get agitated? If I had told my mom she would not have been able to process the information correctly or remembered it. She would have become very agitated had I told her, and each time I told her. But, it s your decision on how to best handle it. You know him the best and are the best judge of how he will react. If you think it will cause agitation and raise anxiety leave it alone. Many of those when entering a facility are told it is short term each time they ask about going home. They just do not remember so choose not to cause the anxiety.
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His long term memory is not very good but he does seem to remember some recent things. For example when we were going to visit the facility, I told him a few days in advance and reminded him the day before that we were goi g for a visit. The morning of the visit,he was all ready to go,and would not have his usual nap after breakfast. He knew we were going and was anxious to get in the car. He enjoyed the visit and participated in the morning program without prompting. But was ready to leave after lunch.
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How is his memory? I'm not that familiar with Lewy Body, so I'm not sure if the memory is as impaired as it is with other illnesses that cause dementia. It's my understanding that confusion is often present that varies from day to day. I think I would consider how informing him would help him or just cause him confusion and anxiety. Would he be able to process the information if told days in advance or would it just cause him worry?
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