My mom has dementia and it's often difficult to know where she is coming from regarding my deceased father. She will talk to me as though he is still around and yet someone came up to her recently while we were at a restaurant and told her how much he missed Walt. She said, "I miss him, too." Another time she said to me, "you can only fool yourself for so long" in regards to dad. However, most of the time she will talk about him in the present tense. She even bought some cookies because she said "your father likes them." I'm certainly not going to correct her (which is pointless with dementia anyway) so I said, "I remember you buying those and I loved dunking them in lemonade."

Father's Day is tomorrow and I actually won't see her until Monday, but I wondered if I should say something about him being a good dad. I'm wondering if she will think about his birthday or their anniversary. Do I bring it up or do I just wait to see if she does?

I've read so much about people losing a loved one and no one wants to talk about it. It is awkward because you don't want to make things worse, but you also don't want to make the person who has lost a loved one feel that you don't care or aren't willing to share memories, grief or whatever.

I'd really appreciate some feedback. Thanks.

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We went through this also and the best thing to do is agree with everything she says and never admit he is gone. We used to say Dad was at work and she was fine with that. All of a sudden she would say "wheres Dad?" and we said in the bathroom. She forgot in 5 minutes and was all happy again. The Daycare does it all the time to their clients and its all about what makes them happy. Theraputic white lies are ok, lots more coming, just make them happy and comfortable. I would never bring it up, I used to squash the subject asap. Hope things go well.
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My MIL was like your mom in regards to her deceased husband. Some days she would talk about him in the present tense, other times she knew he was gone. During her last hospitalization they asked her if she was married. She told them "I don't have a husband now". They asked if he had passed away recently and she looked at me for confirmation and said "Yesss?"

I always looked to her for what I would say. If she knew he was gone, we talked about it openly. If she thought he was at the store, I left it alone.

If you want to say something anyway, how about something neutral like "I was lucky, when I was young my dad was the best dad."
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