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Your husband has to be placed, against his will, in either a Memory Care Assisted Living facility or Skilled Nursing care. Do you have POA?
If not, file for guardianship with the court.
See his doctor about medications to calm him down.
Call 911 if he's out of control and have him taken to the ER for a psych hold where they WILL medicate him.
In the meantime, disable the car. Slash the tires. Enterprise WILL rent him a car w/o insurance....they'll just sell him THEIR insurance.
Call the local car rental agencies and tell them your husband's name and that he has dementia and will be coming by to rent a car. DO NOT RENT HIM A CAR.
Cancel all the credit cards and debit cards and have ONE new card of each type reissued in your name ONLY.
Hide the checkbook(s).
Call around until you find an elder care attorney thst DOES handle guardianship and divorce, if that's what you want. But your husband must be placed in managed care of some kind safely before you can leave him otherwise. Speak to the attorney about that too.
I had the same issue with my father On our next doctor visit I slipped his doctor a note saying My fathers driving is extremely dangerous, please take his licence away and blame it on his disease The doctor was very professional keeping me, his caregiver completely out of it good luck
Yes, this is an important step although many people will STILL drive regardless of having a license or not. With dementia, they can do anything and do not have the cognitive abilities to ... know what is going on.
If there are 2 cars in the household you take his in to "be repaired" and it never comes back. Your car you keep secure so that he does not have access to the keys. You can have a mechanic put a switch on it so that even if he gets the keys the car will not start. You could also get one of the "Club" locks and put that on the car. Lock your car, keep the keys with you so that he can not even get into the car. I still wear my keys on a clip that is clipped to my belt loop. I did that so my husband could not take the car. This is a non negotiable if something were to happen where he damaged property, hurt or killed someone you would be ruined financially especially if there is medical documentation that he has dementia. The doctor can also inform the Secretary of State (Drivers License Department) that his drivers license should be revoked.
What are you waiting for? For him to kill someone before you take the necessary action? Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving drunk, and they must be stopped sooner than later. Are you aware that if your husband were to either kill some innocent person or severely injure them and the police were made aware that he has dementia that you and he could be sued for everything you have? And would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you should have stopped him from driving but now he's killed someone? If that isn't enough to scare you into doing something to disable his car of take away his keys, I can't imagine anything will.
If he is renting a car so as to get around you keeping your car out of reach, then I suppose the next step is to make renting impossible. He cannot have access to credit cards, and it might be best to take his license and smartphone. (He should carry another form of identification of course). Without a license or using the app, I don’t think a rental agency would rent him a car. I’m not experienced in this, but it seems to me you need to remove the tools that make this possible. I’m really sorry, this must be so difficult.
Cancel the credit cards he’s using. He has to have a credit card to use Uber; I’ve never heard of Uber taking cash. If he has a key fob for the car, open it and remove the battery. He probably won’t figure out what’s wrong with it. He should never be left unsupervised now. If there’s no one to watch and stop him from doing all dangerous things, you MUST place him in memory care. This isn’t only a driving problem. It’s also a problem of what he’ll do next, since he’s lost good judgment and thinking skills.
Things I’ve seen while taking care of family who had dementia: Eating leaves found on the ground. Emptying the whole pill minder for the week on the place mat and starting to eat all of the pills. Trying to walk out the door at 2 a.m. Waking up in the middle of the night and peeing in inappropriate places.
I know it’s hard to imagine the extent of the damage they can do. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you have to take major steps. Placement would be my choice.
Are you his POA? It is time to go to the DMV and make a report. In most states he will be called in to do a test. That will be that. You will need to disable the car or have it safely removed (preferred) until then. Not only may he be hurt, but he is menace on the streets. If you cannot accomplish this it may be time for placement in mc for his own protection and for the safety of others. I am so very sorry.
I made sure my car was parked behind his so he couldn't back out. When my hubby who had Alz grabbed some hidden keys I didn't know about, He couldn't move it because I was parked behind him He ranted and raved. I did not move my car for three days, I even had to cancel a doctor's appointment. Finally he gave me the set of keys. He did not have keys to my car and never drove it. In a lucid moment, he wanted to give his truck to the grandson. I had that truck gone in less than 2 hours. My heart aches for you. I wish I had an answer.
See a divorce lawyer PRONTO. Divide your funds, so scammers don't get all yours too. Driving without insurance, report the vehicle license to your state DMV or police.
Don't end up financially screwed from HIS dementia. He could get sued and loose everything. It's not your fault, you cannot control it. He is headed for placement.
Let his Doctors know about the 3 crashes. Not his right to drive and possibly kill innocent people. Contact your county agencies to ask for a Social Worker to help, or call APS.
He's not going to be the same person you married, and will only get worse. He's angry because he probably realizes he's not the same, and not going to handle it well, since he CAN'T. He needs medication to tone his behavior down.
Once you start a divorce, the money gets frozen. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Thanks. I saw elder law lawyer last week. They could not help with anything. They did not handle matrimonial or guardianships. They said he is not competent to sign papers, and will contest every action I take. Now what?
I am sorry for what you are going through. I am in the state of California and I was told that when a doctor gives an Alzheimer's disease diagnosis, that doctor is supposed to notify DMV. It is selfish, irresponsible and dangerous to drive with cognitive impairment. You could lose everything you have EVER worked for. If there is an accident and a lawsuit, of course, what does the attorney search for? BLAME. Regardless of who caused the accident, your husband will be automatically liable.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If not, file for guardianship with the court.
See his doctor about medications to calm him down.
Call 911 if he's out of control and have him taken to the ER for a psych hold where they WILL medicate him.
In the meantime, disable the car. Slash the tires. Enterprise WILL rent him a car w/o insurance....they'll just sell him THEIR insurance.
Call the local car rental agencies and tell them your husband's name and that he has dementia and will be coming by to rent a car. DO NOT RENT HIM A CAR.
Cancel all the credit cards and debit cards and have ONE new card of each type reissued in your name ONLY.
Hide the checkbook(s).
Call around until you find an elder care attorney thst DOES handle guardianship and divorce, if that's what you want. But your husband must be placed in managed care of some kind safely before you can leave him otherwise. Speak to the attorney about that too.
Good luck to you.
On our next doctor visit I slipped his doctor a note saying
My fathers driving is extremely dangerous, please take his licence away and blame it on his disease
The doctor was very professional keeping me, his caregiver completely out of it
good luck
Your car you keep secure so that he does not have access to the keys.
You can have a mechanic put a switch on it so that even if he gets the keys the car will not start.
You could also get one of the "Club" locks and put that on the car.
Lock your car, keep the keys with you so that he can not even get into the car. I still wear my keys on a clip that is clipped to my belt loop. I did that so my husband could not take the car.
This is a non negotiable if something were to happen where he damaged property, hurt or killed someone you would be ruined financially especially if there is medical documentation that he has dementia.
The doctor can also inform the Secretary of State (Drivers License Department) that his drivers license should be revoked.
Talk to his doctor about medication for the anger
Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving drunk, and they must be stopped sooner than later.
Are you aware that if your husband were to either kill some innocent person or severely injure them and the police were made aware that he has dementia that you and he could be sued for everything you have? And would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you should have stopped him from driving but now he's killed someone? If that isn't enough to scare you into doing something to disable his car of take away his keys, I can't imagine anything will.
Things I’ve seen while taking care of family who had dementia: Eating leaves found on the ground. Emptying the whole pill minder for the week on the place mat and starting to eat all of the pills. Trying to walk out the door at 2 a.m. Waking up in the middle of the night and peeing in inappropriate places.
I know it’s hard to imagine the extent of the damage they can do. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you have to take major steps. Placement would be my choice.
It is time to go to the DMV and make a report.
In most states he will be called in to do a test. That will be that.
You will need to disable the car or have it safely removed (preferred) until then.
Not only may he be hurt, but he is menace on the streets.
If you cannot accomplish this it may be time for placement in mc for his own protection and for the safety of others.
I am so very sorry.
than 2 hours. My heart aches for you. I wish I had an answer.
Don't end up financially screwed from HIS dementia. He could get sued and loose everything. It's not your fault, you cannot control it. He is headed for placement.
Let his Doctors know about the 3 crashes. Not his right to drive and possibly kill innocent people. Contact your county agencies to ask for a Social Worker to help, or call APS.
He's not going to be the same person you married, and will only get worse. He's angry because he probably realizes he's not the same, and not going to handle it well, since he CAN'T. He needs medication to tone his behavior down.
Once you start a divorce, the money gets frozen. Sorry you have to deal with this.
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