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He is stubborn, secretive, spiteful, angry. Did not find out about accident for days.

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Your husband has to be placed, against his will, in either a Memory Care Assisted Living facility or Skilled Nursing care. Do you have POA?

If not, file for guardianship with the court.

See his doctor about medications to calm him down.

Call 911 if he's out of control and have him taken to the ER for a psych hold where they WILL medicate him.

In the meantime, disable the car. Slash the tires. Enterprise WILL rent him a car w/o insurance....they'll just sell him THEIR insurance.

Call the local car rental agencies and tell them your husband's name and that he has dementia and will be coming by to rent a car. DO NOT RENT HIM A CAR.

Cancel all the credit cards and debit cards and have ONE new card of each type reissued in your name ONLY.

Hide the checkbook(s).

Call around until you find an elder care attorney thst DOES handle guardianship and divorce, if that's what you want. But your husband must be placed in managed care of some kind safely before you can leave him otherwise. Speak to the attorney about that too.

Good luck to you.
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sp196902 May 2024
I forgot about that Lea. Yeah he doesn't need insurance
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I had the same issue with my father
On our next doctor visit I slipped his doctor a note saying
My fathers driving is extremely dangerous, please take his licence away and blame it on his disease
The doctor was very professional keeping me, his caregiver completely out of it
good luck
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TouchMatters May 2024
Yes, this is an important step although many people will STILL drive regardless of having a license or not. With dementia, they can do anything and do not have the cognitive abilities to ... know what is going on.
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If there are 2 cars in the household you take his in to "be repaired" and it never comes back.
Your car you keep secure so that he does not have access to the keys.
You can have a mechanic put a switch on it so that even if he gets the keys the car will not start.
You could also get one of the "Club" locks and put that on the car.
Lock your car, keep the keys with you so that he can not even get into the car. I still wear my keys on a clip that is clipped to my belt loop. I did that so my husband could not take the car.
This is a non negotiable if something were to happen where he damaged property, hurt or killed someone you would be ruined financially especially if there is medical documentation that he has dementia.
The doctor can also inform the Secretary of State (Drivers License Department) that his drivers license should be revoked.

Talk to his doctor about medication for the anger
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chyron24 May 2024
He is renting a car. No stopping him
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What are you waiting for? For him to kill someone before you take the necessary action?
Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving drunk, and they must be stopped sooner than later.
Are you aware that if your husband were to either kill some innocent person or severely injure them and the police were made aware that he has dementia that you and he could be sued for everything you have? And would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you should have stopped him from driving but now he's killed someone? If that isn't enough to scare you into doing something to disable his car of take away his keys, I can't imagine anything will.
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chyron24 May 2024
And how do I stop him? That is why I joined this forum. Am at end of my rope. I am scared. He took Uber to Enterprise car rental.
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If he is renting a car so as to get around you keeping your car out of reach, then I suppose the next step is to make renting impossible. He cannot have access to credit cards, and it might be best to take his license and smartphone. (He should carry another form of identification of course). Without a license or using the app, I don’t think a rental agency would rent him a car. I’m not experienced in this, but it seems to me you need to remove the tools that make this possible. I’m really sorry, this must be so difficult.
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Cancel the credit cards he’s using. He has to have a credit card to use Uber; I’ve never heard of Uber taking cash. If he has a key fob for the car, open it and remove the battery. He probably won’t figure out what’s wrong with it. He should never be left unsupervised now. If there’s no one to watch and stop him from doing all dangerous things, you MUST place him in memory care. This isn’t only a driving problem. It’s also a problem of what he’ll do next, since he’s lost good judgment and thinking skills.

Things I’ve seen while taking care of family who had dementia: Eating leaves found on the ground. Emptying the whole pill minder for the week on the place mat and starting to eat all of the pills. Trying to walk out the door at 2 a.m. Waking up in the middle of the night and peeing in inappropriate places.

I know it’s hard to imagine the extent of the damage they can do. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you have to take major steps. Placement would be my choice.
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Are you his POA?
It is time to go to the DMV and make a report.
In most states he will be called in to do a test. That will be that.
You will need to disable the car or have it safely removed (preferred) until then.
Not only may he be hurt, but he is menace on the streets.
If you cannot accomplish this it may be time for placement in mc for his own protection and for the safety of others.
I am so very sorry.
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chyron24 May 2024
DMV does not care in NYS. No POA. He is a menace!
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I made sure my car was parked behind his so he couldn't back out. When my hubby who had Alz grabbed some hidden keys I didn't know about, He couldn't move it because I was parked behind him He ranted and raved. I did not move my car for three days, I even had to cancel a doctor's appointment. Finally he gave me the set of keys. He did not have keys to my car and never drove it. In a lucid moment, he wanted to give his truck to the grandson. I had that truck gone in less
than 2 hours. My heart aches for you. I wish I had an answer.
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Sendhelp May 2024
Smart, so very smart!
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See a divorce lawyer PRONTO. Divide your funds, so scammers don't get all yours too. Driving without insurance, report the vehicle license to your state DMV or police.

Don't end up financially screwed from HIS dementia. He could get sued and loose everything. It's not your fault, you cannot control it. He is headed for placement.

Let his Doctors know about the 3 crashes. Not his right to drive and possibly kill innocent people. Contact your county agencies to ask for a Social Worker to help, or call APS.

He's not going to be the same person you married, and will only get worse. He's angry because he probably realizes he's not the same, and not going to handle it well, since he CAN'T. He needs medication to tone his behavior down.

Once you start a divorce, the money gets frozen. Sorry you have to deal with this.
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chyron24 May 2024
Thanks. I saw elder law lawyer last week. They could not help with anything. They did not handle matrimonial or guardianships. They said he is not competent to sign papers, and will contest every action I take. Now what?
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I am sorry for what you are going through. I am in the state of California and I was told that when a doctor gives an Alzheimer's disease diagnosis, that doctor is supposed to notify DMV. It is selfish, irresponsible and dangerous to drive with cognitive impairment. You could lose everything you have EVER worked for. If there is an accident and a lawsuit, of course, what does the attorney search for? BLAME. Regardless of who caused the accident, your husband will be automatically liable.
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